I know so many of you here have the same struggles. Today is so hard. I've been feeling suicidal for over a year and not a day goes by when I don't think about it. I feel into a crisis of depression about a year ago for reasons I won't go into here and I just can't get myself back. I feel more and more hopeless as time goes on. I've stopped going to work, I stay at home and my husband supports me and goes to work. I've been in several types of therapy, was in a partial hospitalization program for several months and still really struggle to cope. I tell myself things can change but it's just so damn hard. Many days I just cannot leave the house. I was about to go out earlier and go and have tea somewhere but saw myself in the mirror and just panicked. Yes, there's some body image issues of a sort going on here too. I could go on forever being a hermit. I force myself out most days. The horrible thing is that deep down, I believe we are all responsible for our own recovery. That being my philosopy, I am looking at myself and I can't even leave the house today without a panic attack. How am I supposed to recover. I have a method I have thought of and each day I have to will myself not to put it in action. I just absolutely feel like I'm waiting to die. It's horrible when the world around you is moving on and doing its thing and you feel you just can't keep in tune with it all.