The difficulty with life, and especially the ending of it, is the difficulty in making that decision. From what i've seen there are usually two reasons for this, the first, a short term strength of emotion, driving someone to an act they may or may not regret later on. The second is a general wearing down in the desire to live, by constant let downs in life. Whether these emotions are anger, despair, from being betrayed, or just being sad, its apparent that the first is certainly a good thing to try to prevent, and support works and has value. But for the second, I am struggling to see any way out. There is always the slim possibility of a seismic change in someones life, a drastic turnaround that would put a totally different perspective on things overnight. It certainly wouldn't solve things in those dealing with the pain for so long, but it would make a solution possible. But i find myself right now in a position where the situation of my life makes it impossible for something like this to occur. My own difficulty is that i recognise all this, but i cannot objectively see any reason that, in my own case, life should continue. From a religious or spiritual point of view, there is the argument that life is sacred, a thing that should not be taken away voluntarily, but without those leanings, my mind is coming to the conclusion that suicide is the only solution. The problems i have, i could go on about for days as to their origin, their meaning, and how they make me feel. But as the issue is in who i am now, rather than who i was back then. It is the present, not the past, which makes me feel this way, and after trying many times to change my life, my perspective, to try solutions, i find that i am all out of ideas. Which is both a good and a bad thing i guess, good because i will try whatever needs to be tried to get through this. But bad, because the list of things i have tried to make things better is exhaustive, the only one of which i haven't tried is any serious form of medication, as chemically altering my state of mind seems to me as deceiving myself somehow. I have a lot of difficulty talking to people, and moreso talking like this than usual due to negative experiences previously, which is why i guess this sounds so cold and emotionless. My mind can invariably keep my emotions in check, so it's resolving the situation in my mind, rather than emotions, which is going to decide whether or not i can continue living. It tends to be my emotions which drive me to self harm, but my mind which drives me to suicide. Or at least, i would like to think that way, there certainly is crossover between the two, but the point stands. I tried e-mailing the samaritans recently, for someone to talk to, but i found the experience painful. Mostly, while as i certainly recognise their intention to help, i felt like they were just working off a checklist as to my reply. Generic platitude, followed by copying out bits of what i had written to them and pretty much sticking a question mark on the end of them, followed by another generic platitude, which were nearly identical each time they replied. I guess that is why i have come back here. I hope there's something i've missed.