Trying to reach out

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MrLeading, Feb 26, 2013.

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  1. MrLeading

    MrLeading New Member


    This is my first post here, I am just trying to find somewhere to go that I can write things out to people who can relate to how I feel. I am 21 and I am about to graduate college. My Dad took his own life 2 years ago and ever since then I have been going downhill. He was an alcoholic and I never really got the chance to make peace with him before he left and he didn't leave any sort of note, which has been one of the hardest parts.

    I met a girl who helped me through this tough time and we started dating. A few months ago she cheated on me with my friend and roommate. I took her back. I knew that if I didn't I would be even more alone than I felt. I guess that all my other friends decided that my roommate was worth keeping around more than me, so I lost contact with them (they moved into a house without me) and with almost everyone I have met in college. I have a few good friends but I try to hide how I really feel because I just feel worthless and insane. I should note that I am not a very social person and I have trouble meeting new people.

    I am really lost and alone. I feel like everyone leaves me eventually. The only reason I haven't taken my life is because even though I'd be dead, I can't do that to my family, they have been through enough. But I think about doing it every day. I wish the best to everyone out there struggling with being happy like me.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I wonder if those ppl who abandoned you were friends to begin with??? and I do understanding feeling like taking someone back who betrays you especially when you think there may be no one else, but maybe underneath some of this is a pattern of treating yourself poorly...your father's lack of closure with you is unkind, although I am sure he was in no state to evaluate that...but you can bring closure for yourself...when one of my best friends died in a car accident, and she was suddenly no longer there, I held a private ceremony and did and said what I would have if I had the opportunity...maybe there is something you can do for yourself...also, maybe speaking to a counselor at your school or such might be are about to graduate college, so this would be a good time to welcome the possibilities of making change...welcome again and please continue to let us know how you are doing
  3. MrLeading

    MrLeading New Member

    I am realizing that those people weren't really my friends, it just really sucks to think about that. Counseling is something I have tried many times, as well as different medications, but I am still looking for the right person to talk to. I don't think I have actually faced what happened with my dad fully. Truthfully, I have tried to push it back a lot with drugs, drinking, and generally not caring too much for my life. I know I need to take back my life, I just can't find the confidence or reason to try.

    Thank you for is good to know that there are people out there who understand.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please keep searching for the right care as you deserve is very common to self medicate when feeling such pain...and also please show compassion for did your best in a very difficult situation
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too think hun you need to try again to connect to a therapist one that will help you hun heal from your fathers suicide I know how hard it is to lose someone that way
    Your family hun hold onto their love for you ok talk to your doctor hun ok meds can help even if it is just for a short time until you pull yourself out of darkness a bit
    You hun are worth the fight ok you get all the supports you can and use them to help you Alcohol hun you know will only cause you to go further downwards so try hard not to use it as a coping mechanism hun h ugs
  6. MrLeading

    MrLeading New Member

    Thank you. I am still searching for the right help. I just have felt so alone for so long. I don't have any friends and feel like the ones I did have abandoned me and it is a feeling I can't shake. I have trouble getting out of bed every morning, it just doesn't seem worth it when all I do is go to school, work, and come home to be alone.
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    hiya there
    thse people don't seem the best of friends for you hang around with i would consider taking a break from them for a while, do you have other people family members you can spend time with or simply a new set of friends.
  8. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Hello MrLeading :)
    You said that you're graduating right? Congrats on that. :) I mean you could consider it a new beginning. Like Sadeyes said, this could lead to so many possibilities. Also, your "friends" leaving? Perhaps you could turn it around, from a negative thing it could be turned into something positive. Just think that at least now, you really know who your real friends are.
    And like they said, I also think that seeing a therapist would be the best for you. Maybe telling your family about how you're feeling will also help. Hope things get better for you. *hugs*
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