Trying to stop, trying to not do it right now. (trigger?) (help?)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Isolde, Jan 29, 2012.

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  1. Isolde

    Isolde Active Member

    Things in my life just seem to become overwhelming again. I don't want to do this, but I already have the knife sitting beside me. I tried exercising, I tried distracting, I tried drawing on myself with a marker....

    I don't even know why I want to, but I'm drawn to it again. It's been months since the last time and I'm so proud of myself. But here I am, bawling my eyes out, ready to cut again.

    The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I promised a friend that I wouldn't do it again. But that's what is making it so much harder. I want to call her and talk to her, but I know she'll be angry with me, and I know that she'll feel responsible if she doesn't manage to help me. And if I do it again, I think I'll lose this friend.

    Nobody really understands the problems I'm facing, but what's worse it that I'm judged by my friends for HOW I handle things (specifically cutting). Now it's like my only way out is part of the problem, and with my friend making me promise that I'd never do it again makes me feel horrible, because if I do it, then I'll have to hid it from her, and *I* don't want to have to go back to hiding things from my friends anymore. I'm done with that part of my life.

    But I don't have anybody to turn to.

    I know this post is just a bunch of rambling. But I just need to get it out there.

    I don't know what to do. Well, I do, but it's what I'm trying to not do.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun you keep writing out your feelings here okay you let the pain out here you scream you laugh you cry you let it out that way hun Is is good you have such a caring friend Ido understand the want to sh but be proud of you hun okay get rid of the tool and go outside change the environment you in get away from it hugs
  3. fake.smiles92

    fake.smiles92 Member

    I've never done this before...
    But I really want to try. I feel like it will help me.
  4. D Scott OBrien

    D Scott OBrien New Member

    Please dont do it, once you start, its done, you can never get rid of the scars and youll want to and need to do it more and more, just to feel relief. better not to start, than to ahve to explain to ppl whats going on
  5. Deadtwice

    Deadtwice Well-Known Member

    Don't. In my past I think I was better off the two times I have tried to kill myself than when I first cut. It will rule you. You can quit and it haunts you.
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