Trying to survive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kopterline, Oct 27, 2014.

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  1. kopterline

    kopterline Member

    Hello! Have you ever feel like it's just a really bad day.. Or you're in some kind of a nightmare? But it's like.. happening when you're awake? Have you? Of course you have.. So it's been like hell.. And you're tired. And you wait for a sign. You hope your therapist gives you a positive sign. A sign to carry on, to live. But on the other hand.. you wait for a different sign.. to give it all up.. Because! You've been struggling for 10 years, if not for longer, and you're just so tired. And you know it has happened before.. all this depression, suicide thoughts. It really is fine, isn't it. You just feel like Harry Potter trying to banish all the evil inside you just that there is no cure. Yes I know, of course there is.. Pills and stuff. But if you have that thing in your mind who won't let you take these pills.. then what's left to do? I don't want to die.. I want to fly away.. I want to fade away.. So they can cope.. but! You say live for your loved ones.. I know you'll say.. but is it right when your loved ones are the reason you're struggling? You've lived your whole life thinking just for them.. sorry.. I can't end my thoughts..

    Just wanted to say.. it's been a bad day. Seeing my therapist on Thursday. Not looking for comfort but Please, do share your thoughts. Maybe there is someone out there who just wants to fade away slowly not end it all at once :)
  2. Chloe

    Chloe Member


    I've only just rejoined on here, I don't have many words of comfort or advice but wanted to let you know you aren't alone thinking this. I don't particularly want to end it all, I just want things to change for me. Only, that doesn't seem possible right now and hasn't done for a long time.

    When I am reading what you have written, it sounds sort of like I could have written it myself although I know situations will be different. Honestly though you aren't alone in thinking this.

    Take care

  3. kopterline

    kopterline Member

    Thank you for your reply! I could say that I'm glad that I'm not the only one but.. no one should feel like this. I do think that it's your own power of will that could change things, but sometimes it's not enough and you can't always make it through. If you've been in the hell because of your own mind, then .. yes.. once again I can't finish my thought

    Chloe! I wish you all the best! :)
  4. James1111

    James1111 Member

    I've only just joined and I never realized so many people felt like I do - I feel so much like you.

    I don't want to get out of bed.

    One of the few things that works for me is a martial art that I do - there my brain disconnects from my reality and I focus on the technique. then I leave the dojo/training room and it all comes back.

    I see a counsellor-priest this afternoon and, while I hate to sound negative, what can he really do for me?

    Thanks for posting and sharing - I understand yr thoughts re "I'm not the only one etc " I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

    Good look to you and Cloe, I think I'll crawl under my blankets for a while,
  5. kopterline

    kopterline Member

    I've tried yoga. But these voices.. They never stop :) Maybe I should try something else. Martial art sounds painful, it should suit me.

    And Yes! What can he/she do for me? Nothing!! They can only give advice, it's our own responsibility to take it.. or leave it :)

    And thank You for your reply! All the best to you in your life!
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