I'm not so good at the whole "talk about my emotions and how I feel" gig but I'm giving it a go. This is just an intro post, I'll post back later when I have more time, but I'm posting this to coincide with trying to tell a friend, so wish me luck. but yeah, before I get into why, here's how things stand now. I've ODd twice on different drugs, mainly prescription stuff, and failed. first time I puked it all up about two minutes after taking, the second time I just fell into a deep sleep for a little over a day. I, and now you, am the only one who knows about the attempts. my parents might suspect, but they haven't talked to me about it at all. I tried to tell someone once before, and they just fobbed me off, said I wasn't serious, you know the drill. I'm talking now because I'm getting worse again. I'm harming a lot more, I'm withdrawn and sad or very in your face and violent and angy. tbh it's the angry part that really scares me, I've wanted to die for a long time but wanting to kill or injure those around me, people I count as my friends, is something new. I'm scared because I've learnt my lesson from the last two attempts, this time I'll do something more violent, more drastic, to myself. sometimes I get so sad, or so angry, that I just walk away from my friends, leave college campus, go sit on a bench in a quiet old park, pull <edit moderator total ecllipse method> I'm scared because it's a matter of time before either I am pushed too far and kill myself or I snap and try and kill someone else. so all this is hopefully going to work like a release on the pressure, just let me drop back into the reliable old depression instead of whatever's fucking come over me now.