It just doesnt work. I had a text-message conversation with this girl I know, and somehow the subject came to how the opposite sex is an absolute enigma. She proceeded to tell me that girls are not that confusing, you just need to figure out which ones play mind games with you. I asked her how to do that, and she said "well its hard to tell um I mean i play games with some boys and not others like i dont play games with you ever but i did with this guy i used to talk to its very hard to tell." Well if its so damn hard to figure out how the hell am I supposed to do it?! I cant even talk to girls without freezing up and now I have read their damn minds?! Why dont I just kill myself now and save myself all the wasted effort? So I proceeded why in gods name people (because guys do it too) play those games, she said "because that way girls dont look desperate or like they're trying too hard or too eager." Why does this have to be so goddamn hard? I fucking hate this, why cant I just find someone I can relate to and legitimately cares about me? Like, I watched an anime recently called Toradora! and it was a) fucking amazing and b) really fucking depressing because the bond that the two main characters shared was so heartwarming and it just felt right, and it really saddened me when I realized that I dont have that kind of bond with anybody. I'm alone in this world with no one who really cares deeply about me in the way that I care about them. I want that kind of relationship with somebody and just be happy instead of this pitiful existence I eek out day after day. The only relief I have is marijuana, and I'm keeping the smoking in check but it's just so damn pitiful that the only happiness i can really get is the happiness brought on by a plant. I am a human being, the most advanced and complex living thing known, and I cant even feel happy without smoking something. Life shouldnt be like this.