I'm 23 years old and have had depression for probably > 10 years. I've felt suicidal most of my life -- I can't think of a single day where I didn't think about killing myself. At best it's once a day, at worst it's many times per hour. I've never attempted, but I've done a *lot* of research about how to do it right. I've made plans and written notes on a few occasions when I got really serious, but I stopped short of doing it. Here's what I don't understand: My life is good. There is, realistically, nothing going wrong. I'm depressed and anxious as hell, but I can objectively recognize that my life is good. I have nothing to complain about. I just...want to kill myself. There is something inside myself that is constantly telling me to kill myself regardless of how good things are going. Has anyone else experienced this? It feels totally ridiculous, but I can't figure out why I keep thinking about killing myself so often.