trying to understand...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by trying2understand, Jul 19, 2007.

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  1. trying2understand

    trying2understand New Member

    I agree with the comment of "not dwelling on the past.." but if your past was the only time you were at peace/happy/full of life and your present is horrible(to say the least) Your past is all you can cling to...

    I have only tried to kill myself twice...unfornately I am still here.
    I have never told anybody this....

    I served in the military and I was happy (good friends,was in training to be a minister,overall good stuff)
    I was married and I wanted to be able to give my wife all the things she talked about to her friends and me that i could not afford. So dediced to become an officer...and was doing great. i competed against 547 other cadets and graduated in the top third percertile..While there I became more focused on life, being a better husband, continuing spreading God's word..
    Until I returned home from my emcampment to an empty home..

    And it went down hil from there.started drinking, lost my commissioning date,was kicked out of college, up to my eyes in debt, and i feel as if I am trapped in job that I leaps and bounds above. For the past two years, I wake up wanting to die. I have to put on a smile and give encouragement because people come to me for advice and guidance. And to make it worse, I found out the my ex is soon become an officer in the military..That is so not fair..After all I did, for that to happen..that broke to very will in me.
    So acquired a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> but it was taking too long and everyone kept calling, so I stopped....

    I just want someone to talk to...My wife was the very best in me, my rib, my best foot forward....I just wish someone could relate...I feel as if God has given up as well, maybe i have given up on him...
    hopefully someone'll respond..
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    When they speak of not dwelling in the past, it doesn't mean you cannot hold on to good memories. Things will never be the same as they were in the past. I used to think that if I went back to my hometown, it would be just as it was in high school. I was wrong. Things didn't feel the same anymore. If you never move beyond expecting things to be that way, you will find you are always disappointed. No one can say why things turned out as they did. I know that many military marriages fail due to the absence of one or the other spouse. Because of the distance they grow apart. Lives go on without the other. When you return home you expect things to be as they were when you left them, but they aren't. With time you may be able to move beyond what has happened. Try to pull yourself back together and be the person you would like to be. There may just be someone else out there that loves you as much as you love them.Don't push things. Let them proceed as they will. I wish there was more I could say to you and be of better help. Take care of yourself. Feel free to continue posting. Let us help support you. :hug:
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