I agree with the comment of "not dwelling on the past.." but if your past was the only time you were at peace/happy/full of life and your present is horrible(to say the least) Your past is all you can cling to... I have only tried to kill myself twice...unfornately I am still here. I have never told anybody this.... I served in the military and I was happy (good friends,was in training to be a minister,overall good stuff) I was married and I wanted to be able to give my wife all the things she talked about to her friends and me that i could not afford. So dediced to become an officer...and was doing great. i competed against 547 other cadets and graduated in the top third percertile..While there I became more focused on life, being a better husband, continuing spreading God's word.. Until I returned home from my emcampment to an empty home.. And it went down hil from there.started drinking, lost my commissioning date,was kicked out of college, up to my eyes in debt, and i feel as if I am trapped in job that I leaps and bounds above. For the past two years, I wake up wanting to die. I have to put on a smile and give encouragement because people come to me for advice and guidance. And to make it worse, I found out the my ex is soon become an officer in the military..That is so not fair..After all I did, for that to happen..that broke to very will in me. So acquired a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> but it was taking too long and everyone kept calling, so I stopped.... I just want someone to talk to...My wife was the very best in me, my rib, my best foot forward....I just wish someone could relate...I feel as if God has given up as well, maybe i have given up on him... hopefully someone'll respond..