Hi you please pick up the phone and call the Hospital okay get some help it is not too late there is hope so please please call crisis line now and get the help you need . The pain the sadness that will be left you just don't understand how much you will be missed hun. Pm me okay i will talk to you i will try okay
But you need to call crisis line now hugs
Hopeless13 - I hope you have not been over-indulging in the sleeping pills you had.
I'm not judging you for it - but am obviously worried as these things can become addictive - and taking too many affects the way you write.
I know you were having difficult getting help - nearest psych unit closed as I recall plus you have not had much luck with medications so far.
This is not to say you won't have some luck - I mean, you can take one med - nothing happens - take another - nothing happens - but taken together - they might well give you enough relief to begin planning things and seeing your life in a more positive sense. Usually a doctor or psych nurse would oversee this process - as it is a toss of the coin with drugs - and its ironic that the side effects of anti-depressants might even be a suicide ideation stage - thinking about it all the time in other words. Seeing it as an answer.
As for how you feel - that is unique to you - and nobody else has that particular 'view' you have. For me - depression is distinctly unique from person to person - mainly because our minds are very sophisticated.
But whilst the differences are great - we are all connected as in each of us is built from the same basic blueprint - we are flesh and bone, perhaps spiritual beings in a material world - but whatever we are - whoever we are - we tend to feel a lot better when we feel at ease with ourselves and others. If you 'hate yourself' (a common feature of depression), this process can be stopped - because it is a medical condition - it is not 'you' making yourself depressed - and if people think we can just 'snap out of it' - perhaps they ought to not hold opinions based on myths.
The Ancient Greeks understood depression better than many people alive today.
The Victorians in England called it 'melancholy' and prescribed anything from a cocaine pick-me-up tonic, to a 'soothing' concoction of heroin, or perhaps a milder hash resin?
Looking at the Victorian legacy of inventions, innovations, mass building programmes and the first industrialised societies, maybe the drugs they got worked better than than the stuff we get in modern times!
The good news is that we are at the start of a new era regarding depression. Hard to see it I know - but history changes slowly for those living at those times. One day, soon, we will look back and see changes that have revolutionised the treatment of depression - and various tests to authenticate actual depression from genuine feelings of sadness and whatever. Also, I suppose many people pretend to have depression. There are reasons people do this - usually some scam or scheme leading to cash payments.
I once had a solicitor explain to me how having a car crash could cause depression.
I'm sorry, but a bit of whiplash and a few dents in the body of a vehicle does NOT make you feel anything even close to a mild depression.
Anyhow hopeless13 - your genuine - you should be getting some treatment and I'm not sure handing out 100 sleeping pills to someone after a suicide attempt is actually that bright.
I keep hoping you will come on and be feeling a bit better - but I'm not disappointed and I know that you were and are on a dark road as it were right now.
However, no matter how dark the world seems, no matter how long the shadows, there is a light that shines for all of us. What shines for me might not shine for you - but usually we are talking something creative inside of us - a passion perhaps dimmed but still glowing like an ember in the camp-fire.
Although you think you have NO point to be on this Earth - no reasons to be here - one day you will look back and take a strength from that.
You DO have a purpose - and we'll keep saying so if you come on here feeling down.
You've not let anyone down - we all asked you to be honest with us as we would be with you. If you feel down - at least your here to tell us which is better than hearing nothing at all.
I can remember feeling messed up at times when I was younger - but at least now I'm messed up only in a few things - and I know what they are.
None of us are perfect - but striving for perfection in some particular realm is perhaps a way for you to be able to overcome the misery of the spirit you have right now.
My good wishes and prayers from England.
I'm sure that you will find the strength inside to overcome the insecurity you feel - and to set aside those silly notions that you are a failure.
And last but not least - do let us know how many of the sleeping pills you have taken.
By the manner of your writing it strikes me you may have taken some.