tumbling into madness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gabelle, Jun 28, 2007.

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  1. Gabelle

    Gabelle Member

    Hey there. My story is a strange and horrific one. Finally I begin to realise that the age old fairy tale of "Snow White" applies to my case. I have a family that does not seem to want me alive, or at least, they want me insane. My mother is convinced that she is a genius and that I am a little nobody that must suffer and burn for her talents. You know how a cat plays with a mouse until its dead? That's what they do to me. They have no conscience, no love. I must be played to death because "they are better than me". Years I have listened to Ma saying how my dad was an evil drunk. Now I start to think she drove him mad in the first place. "He was ugly", she would say, "he was not as smart as me", she would say, he "loved the booze too much" she would say. Then why did she marry him??? Sex? My mother dragged all the family talent into the mud, she gave me a life of misery and now she is determined to squash my talents in every way. I tell her I like someone, I tell her he was nice to me, she replies "maybe he's gay". I show her a photo of me, she says "What! That can't be you, you are not that beautiful!!". "What!!! I did not know you can sing so high!!", she would say. she would screech. the witch. Oh shut up mother. I begin to hate her so much I might just take a knife and slash slash slash her. I can barely study, think or walk properly, the depression is crazy. And everywhere I go, people reject me because I am not confidant enough, I say weird things, I am not Number One. How can I believe in myself with a mother like that? Everyone thinks I am crazy but SHE MADE ME CRAZY!!!!!! AND SHE WON'T STOP. Not until all my talents are drained and I am in the loony bin.:blink::huh:
     
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF! That sounds bad. May I suggest an opposite strategy. She is herself miserable and that is how it manifests itself. Don't feel bad about it. See what's good about your mother and love her. She may be friendly to you but so what. You are talented without her.
     
  3. Gabelle

    Gabelle Member

    yeah, i know what you mean, I mean, if I go mad, or hang myself, they will win. My mother will not only feel nothing, but she will use my death to gain attention and sympathy from everyone around her. She is very charming. I tried to kill myself before. I'm smart, but I'm getting tired. It seems like everyone around me has these super nice families who do everything for them, and then my mom is just out to make life hell for me. It just scares me. I just want to live, eat and have friends like every other kid. I don't want fame and fortune, I don't want to steal the attention from my mother, but I can't live like this. I'm lonely. Some people say I am hot, some say I am ugly. Point is, even if, especially is, you have a kid that you think is ugly or useless, you must encourage the kid in life so that it can at least find a little but confidance for itself. I wanted to sing, but Mother rejects the idea immediately, saying i'm not pretty enough. But I can;t live without music. It's what I was made for.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Your mother cannot take away your love of music. It will be there regardless of what she says or does. Follow your dreams. You will not be with her forever. She wil always be your mother, but as you mature into a beautiful young adult, the time comes when you leave the nest and become your own person. You know who you are. Don't let her take that away from you. She must be lacking in some form of self-confidence herself if the only way she feels good about herself is by belittling others. I am glad you came here so we can offer you support through this. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
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