So first of all something I've been having trouble with for so long is that I'm so scared of talking to people, online and offline. Although mainly it's a problem online considering I don't go outside anymore and now I have messages on a several sites, including this one, that I'm too scared to open. I've tried to find a solution to this and really the only answer I ever got was "drink tea". I suppose this is anxiety but someone I knew with anxiety never seemed to have it this bad considering they had loads of online friends. This person is another problem as well. Not only did they put me in a very bad place for a year they also stole one of my Tumblr sideblogs and for months have refused to give it back. Today I gave in and have contacted Tumblr and gave evidence and hopefully they'll do something about it, it'll be a massive weight off my mind. Despite how much I try to convince myself that I hate this person it's not working. Considering that why don't they have the same problem? How can they just act like nothing ever happened and go on and seemingly be happier without me? I asked them once "how is this so easy for you?" and they said "It's not" and didn't elaborate on that as usual. I guess I always meant nothing to them. I asked them that once and then they came out with "you meant everything to me" but with everything they did it's clear that I was nothing. I guess I miss them but now everything is ruined. I also feel like such a failure that my past suicide attempts haven't worked and it feels even worse that a small lil part of me wants to live. But that small lil part of me doesn't want to live like this. I don't want to live as this person in this life. I hate the person I am. Nothing ever gets better just the problems become different. Kinda wish I had the courage to go out and buy a whole load of alcohol and get completely drunk but that requires going to a shop and I don't look my age and I don't have any form of ID except for a passport. Maybe it's a good thing because I feel like I could easily become an alcoholic. If anyone who has messaged me is reading this I'm so sorry and I'll open your messages when I get the courage I promise.