Turmoil.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crunchie, Oct 20, 2012.

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  1. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    My head is spinning, and I just vomited. A reaction that came after spending the day with my parents. It was all good for a while, breakfast, they bought me some new trainers, we went to the movies.. Then at home, my dad started with the economy questions, mostly about my apartment (technically his) that we are trying to sell. As usual he makes me out to be an idiot. And of course, a bigger and bigger idiot.. Which is fair enough. I am bad with this stuff. I hate pressuring others to get things done. And my personal economy is chaos. I´m not really in big trouble, but I do owe a little bit of money, and I really should have paid it back in summer. (I will be able to pay it back, I have a pretty steady income..)

    When all this culminates into one evening of my parents yelling and making me feel useless, well, that pushes me closer to the abyss. And it is already too close. I´m just over being a screw up. Over crying too much. Over hating myself.

    I want it all to stop. I want to remove myself from the equation. I would like to end it.

    But don´t worry. I wont. I´m too big a pussy to risk getting it wrong. And too certain of the nothingness of death.
     
  2. three44

    three44 Member

    Hang in their crunchie.
    So I am finding it is easier and easier to get pushed to the abyss. But like me, there is something in the reality that is holding us there. Might as well let it hold us there and keep us hear a bit longer. Whatever it is seems to be very important. Might as well wait a bit longer to find out what it is.
     
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