it all feels like a rollercoaster that i've been on a thousand times. the same highs, the same lows, the same twists and turns. people say that they'll be there to support me and that i'll always have a friend in them and then they leave me to fend for myself, during desperate times, when all i can think of are desperate measures. faith? hope? that has never existed in my world at any point, and i have no clue as to why, it is an acute downward spiral, that i'm experiencing. i have no support, nothing to hold onto or for. everyday i sift in and out of a shallow blur, breathing without a purpose, walking without reason, running without something to chase. it is all worthless, annoying and simply living takes the wind out of me. ones have said that i should "hang in there" but why? why should i? why should any of us? why should we? i want an answer, i need an answer.