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Turn The Monster Into A Zombie?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Perfect Melancholy, Apr 12, 2013.

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  1. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Now I am posting this here for thoughts, see I am well I should be on medication, and the problem is when I am not I can lash out at people emotionally, I can get highs and lows, and well I have spent all day saving someone from leaving my life because I was very mean to them, see I could have meds but they turned me into a zombie, I am very creative, art, film, words, etc.

    When I am on meds I cannot focus I feel like I cannot do anything a zombie, even my job is creative so that too would struggle, but I have lost countless friends, girlfriends because they cannot cope with me on a downer, am I being selfish not having them?

    Although one thought I have now started talking more openly about it to the few remaining I trust, so maybe that helps, although she has given me more patience and understanding then I deserve.

    How do I fix it without meds, therapy is a no go. I feel so ashamed of my actions and wish I was different, but I am me, and I am fighting another day, she said something profound, why don’t you care Rich? I do care I just fail to show it or deal with my emotions.

    Do I go back to meds, and risk my job, risk being a zombie, or do I try as I have been doing to ride these waves of emotion that are extreme to the point of europhia or so depressed I want to die?
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just a thought... would it be possible for you to try different kinds of meds than the ones you've already been on? I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to go back on those, but there may be others that don't have the same side effect. I don't know if that would work for you, but it's just something I thought of.
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I'm not sure, they seemed pretty clueless when dealing with me. That was 2 years back mind. I'm more curious if I'm being selfish or if I'm justified. I'm a bit stumped should I risk meds or stay off them given what I'm like but what I'll lose
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    newer meds if given properly do not make you into a zombie but give you the stability you are looking for You are still you on them Why not talk to your doc and give the newer ones a try If you are feeling like a Zombie then the medication is not right for you or the dosage is too high
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I'm not on anything at the moment. It went something like this

    First lot: nothing
    Higher dose: tried to kill myself
    Second lot: zombie
    Lower dose: zombie
    Lower even: no effect

    I just don't know if it's worth it when I've gone so long without anything
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't think you're being selfish. But given how many newer meds are out there, I do think it would be worth at least talking to a doctor. There really could be something out there that would help you but yet not make you feel like a zombie. I think it's at least worth looking into.
  7. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thank you I really appericate being able to bounce thoughts of you guys, I might call monday but only if they let me speak face to face and not do a phone appointment as they are doing those now before they see people
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