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Turned down?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carekitty, Sep 23, 2009.

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  1. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    What happens if you are at a low point, call a suicide help line, and are basically told you're not doing it right?

    I told the woman on the phone how I felt, which was really hard for me as I'd only told one other person. She asked how I planned to do it (I have a plan all worked out, the pills, the place, etc). She told me the pills I have probably wouldn't work, and I'd just wind up with kidney or liver damage.

    I'm sorry, but was this supposed to help me? In a way, I guess it did put things off. I was so angry at the attitude that I didn't do anything. But I felt like she was saying I couldn't even knock myself off right. I mean I know I've screwed up a lot of things, but geez, I at least thought I could get this right.

    So, where do you go, when even the hot line sort of turns you down? :confused:
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I don't think she turned you down. I think perhaps it was a tough love kind of thing.

    Truth is pills often dont work. And....yeah....they can really mess you up.

    But I am more concerned with why you want to end it.
    What's Up?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Every person tries to help you in their own way. This person was just trying to make you see how harmful your plan was. This person cared in their own way others may of been more sensitive and call for help for you.
    Take care keep calling crisis when you are down as they do care
  4. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Perhaps you are both right, and this was her way of helping. But to be honest, it did more harm than good. She acted like I wasn't a "real suicide", since I didn't have the right pills. But it didn't make me feel any less suicidal, just made me realize I needed more pills, probably mixed with something stronger, and washed down with alcohol. I could have used something a bit more positive.

    As for why I feel this way? It's funny, but everyone around me feels I am this tower of strength. Everyone I know leans on me, even my parents. I even have strangers in check out lines tell me their personal problems, and ask for help. I'm not sure why. And I do care about people, and usually do my best to help.

    But I'm just so burnt out. I've had some serious life long health issues, which are now much worse. I have trouble doing even simple things. And I have nothing left to give to people. And no one seems interested in giving back, which has just led to me feeling bitter and used.

    I'm married, and he's a basically a good guy. But, he works all the time, and just withdraws into himself when he isn't working. He's had a lot of problems over the years, and we've had to make moves, job changes, etc., because of his problems. And now when I need his help, he just walks away.

    I'm just so tired, and I'm sick of being sick and tired. I can't make it on my own, and I can't be there for everyone else anymore. I'm just exhausted. I hate the way I feel, which oddly enough is guilty because I can't be everyone's go to person anymore. And then I hate myself for feeling guilty. Sheesh! I just hate the way I feel, and can't think of any other way to make it stop. And I'd do anything to make it stop.

    Hope that wasn't too long, or too boring. :wink:
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