Here's the story. I was raped when I was 17. I don't talk about it much. It was 11 years ago and that's it. I don't like talking about it. The problem is that I feel since then I've become warped. Is it wrong to take pleasure in pain? I mean honest and true sexual pain. If you're with someone and they leave bruises, bite marks, etc. Is that wrong that it's a complete and utter sexual turn on. You want the real me...here goes: Ever since I was raped I get turned on by being "beat up" so to speak. I take pure pleasure when a guy abuses me, leaves marks on me, bites me, pinches me, hurts me, etc. Any kind of pain makes me feel alive. Any kind of submissive act makes me feel like something. Even if they are degrading me I feel like I"m alive. I feel like the more pain I can handle/take the better off I am. The more pain inflicted the more I want. I like the feeling of a guys hand wrapped around my neck squeezing hte life out of me knowing that at any second he could squeeze to hard. I like knowing that my life is out of my hands and whatever happens happens. I don't care much about my physical safety. I don't care what happens. I enjoy it. I enjoy feeling lost and helpless because in reality it's all I am. Does that make me sick?