twisted and tortured rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jcat, Nov 1, 2007.

  1. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    you fucking bitch, no good, no account, two faced, lying, caniving, scandalous, dope fiend scab. don't you fucking know what you are fucking doing to me. just the thought of you makes me cringe at times. you say you love me, but you are killing me. my life was empty before i met you, no worries, concerns, or regrets. just one wish-to die.
    when we met, and i got out of my shit and tried to help you. you said you wanted help, but you are unwilling to take the help. why? you know the shit is killing you, but you still fucking do it. i understand why you do it, the sme reason i did it for so long. but do you understand that you are killing me haviing to sit back and watch you slowly kill yourself. it wuld be easier for me if you would either quit doing the shit ir fust get it over with and kill yourself so i can.
    when we talk it is great. we get along great, then you log off or i do and all of a sudden i get this empty feeling inside. i feel so alone, and want out. i've gotten back into s/i since i met you, i've made an attempt since we met too. i don't blame you for all of my depression and thinking, but there is a place within all the mess with your name etched in stone.
    i want to stand by you and support you any way possible.but you are killing me inside and slowly outside. i was told by a few ppl that i should block you, and a few said i should stand by you. even after all the shit that you do to me, i love you and want to be with you. i want to stand by you, help you, see you happy, but i just can't. FUCK! i love you, and at the same time wish we had never met. i just can't let go tho.
     
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    J-
    I understand you love her, you can see it within the words you've just written, but like you also said she is slowly killing you. That in itself is not good. Love or no love you need to worry about you. You need to make sure you are okay. I would hate to see one person destroy such a beautiful person and that's what you are. I know you want to stand by her and try to save her, maybe in a way you feel if you save her you can go on..but not all people can or want to be saved. She has got to truly want to get better and from what you've said maybe she's not willing to give up her addiction to get better. It's tragic yes, but there is only so much you can do to help before it slowly wears on your soul and destroys you. In my eyes, destroying you is not an option. :hug:

    I know you don't want to talk about her or what's going on atm, but when and if you do my MSN or PM is always open. Please stay safe.

    Kells
     
  3. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    kell, thanks for everything and you i'll be seeing you on msn


    i blocked her on msn. fuck, i turned my back on her and said i never would, but that is what i needed to do for me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2007
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :hug: well done hun :hug:
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have done the right thing Jason. time to concentrate on caring for you. :hug:
     

  6. I partially think you shouldn't have blocked her, though you shouldn't trust her either, and by doing what you did is most likely for the best, even though it is a sad thing to have to do.
     
  7. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    aww :hug: I know the feeling