I've often thought I'd go back to the hell I lived in, rather than going through what I am currently. Both are hellish but completely different. At least at that time I could "go away" in my mind. Perhaps that's not so good because I tend to do so now anyhow. Anyhow it's stupid thinking but again, I'd put myself through all of that crap rather than be as I am now. Yes, I said it was twisted. I'd also like to find the two scumbags and shove a torpedo where the sun doesn't shine. And finally, I'd really like to get past childhood stuffs. S much fucking shame. Years and years later and still dealing with it. Well thanks a fucking lot, you've no idea what you did to me. No response necessary, just thinking aloud as I'm over ruminating about it all internally.