Right now I have the worst headache. Cant stop thinking about the options I have, and every one of them is shit. I am so depressed, i have no emotion. I feel totally drained, drained of any life I still had left. I would give anything to sit down with someone special, and just let it all come tumbling out...frustration, anger, emotional nothingness. This sounds wussy, but i haven't had anyone hug me for years...I mean that literally, and I know its going to stay that way, such a simple thing, how can you keep living with no emotional or physical contact with anyone for so long? Am I not human? I was talking with someone last night about drugs. Seriously thinking about taking up something to give me some energy, just drown my head of everything, something to make me feel happy. I know its stupid, but things are getting desperate. I need a job, but that means i get anchored here for god knows how much longer, and all I want to do is leave this fucking country. There is nothing but bad memories in this place. I hate it. I actually want to work I think, fill in the time, get some money, but the urge to fucking run run run and get out of here is so much greater. I cant wait any more. I got nobody to talk to about anything. Everyone has there own lives and own problems and talking solves nothing. Nobody is ever on MSN anymore, at least not when I'm around. I guess im sick of talking anyway, I need people in the flesh, not at the end of a keyboard. I wish i had those feelings I had a couple months ago for someone, I actually felt alive. Felt like there was some reason to wake up again. dont know what to do dont know what to do dont know what to do Its just a mess, i can run and end up dead in a ditch, or I can stay here and end up dead to the world. I need a saviour.