Twitchy.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sunnypseudo, Apr 5, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sunnypseudo

    sunnypseudo Well-Known Member

    I can't sit still, I've been sitting here banging my fingers against my desk, I'm twitchy, shaking, can't stop the muscles in my body from tensing. There are sensations I can't stop and I am trying to leave myself alone and it strangely is very hard today. I failed yesterday. I want today to be different. It felt so good yesterday though, I calmed down and relaxed. Today I can't calm down, I can't relax, I'm just a bundle of bad today. I don't really know what to do at the moment to stop from feeling like this, so I am just going to let my fingers fly across the keyboard. Something needs to change and I don't know how to make it change or what needs to change or even why I'm so.. like this. I need some control, SH is the only control I have. Its the only thing only I can do and choose to do it, no one can make that choice for me, well unless I get caught then there goes my freedom. I don't trust anyone around me with this. I know it would seem its as easy as just don't, but its not as easy as that. Breathing isn't working, and when I stop typing all I can do is stare at my wall. I can't calm down.. its shameful. I feel like such a mess. One of these days, I swear I'm not going to fight against the demons anymore and just let them all out to play. Today, I just want to watch the world burn, make the world burn because I'm already in cinders.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Have you tried relaxing baths or showers? Could you keep your fingers busy doing something else? Have you tried art? Throwing and smearing paint at a canvas or paper?
    Please try other things before you SH, you deserve better than that!
     
  3. sunnypseudo

    sunnypseudo Well-Known Member

    I really want to keep my clothes on right now, more clothes would be nice, I can't be without clothes right now. my hands are shaking too much to draw. just popping knuckles over and over they aren't popping aymore.
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    but if you poured paint on a paper or canvas you could use your twitching fingers to paint? just mix the colours, splash it around?
     
  5. sunnypseudo

    sunnypseudo Well-Known Member

    now i wish i had acrylics, i just need to come down from this and god I am trying but its so not easy its been so long since its gotten bad liek this i just want to throw up right now. i feel so ill and my head is static i dont want to scream or cry i want to but i know better i cant i shouldnt the logic centers in my brain are barely a wisper and i want to hold ointo that so bad at the moment i know better and this will pass it passes right? this too shall pass. i hate and love it because it gets me through a moment until i look at the cycles and realize it doesnt pass it just circles back around until it does this gagain. I dont even know how much of this makes sense
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.