I can't sit still, I've been sitting here banging my fingers against my desk, I'm twitchy, shaking, can't stop the muscles in my body from tensing. There are sensations I can't stop and I am trying to leave myself alone and it strangely is very hard today. I failed yesterday. I want today to be different. It felt so good yesterday though, I calmed down and relaxed. Today I can't calm down, I can't relax, I'm just a bundle of bad today. I don't really know what to do at the moment to stop from feeling like this, so I am just going to let my fingers fly across the keyboard. Something needs to change and I don't know how to make it change or what needs to change or even why I'm so.. like this. I need some control, SH is the only control I have. Its the only thing only I can do and choose to do it, no one can make that choice for me, well unless I get caught then there goes my freedom. I don't trust anyone around me with this. I know it would seem its as easy as just don't, but its not as easy as that. Breathing isn't working, and when I stop typing all I can do is stare at my wall. I can't calm down.. its shameful. I feel like such a mess. One of these days, I swear I'm not going to fight against the demons anymore and just let them all out to play. Today, I just want to watch the world burn, make the world burn because I'm already in cinders.