Howdy so I mentioned this in my introductory post too, I nearly attempted suicide two days ago and am still feeling suicidal today. I laid in my bed all day and I know that's really not good for me but trying to read or do anything is hard. I can't pay attention to things very well. I've made my life into a very complex and terrifying hell, it's all in my head but I can't control it anymore. (I am aware of how stupid that sounds--obviously I can control it I am just not trying hard enough) I used to be a very high achiever and very wise. I made a few mistakes early in college that could have been easily amended but I chose to give up even though I was aware of how easy it was to change my major and I knew happiness was a choice. I haven't been able to forgive myself for it because it still affects every part of my life. I pretended like my life wasn't happening and all of the amazing opportunities for all of my dreams to come true passed me by...I could have easily been on my way to becoming a famous musician right now. Now I have loans to pay back from getting a degree that I am ashamed to have finished in the first place, and I live with this person who yells all the time, and the worst part is I know I did this to myself. So I am just getting what I deserve I guess. I am really really sorry. I used to have actual problems when I was younger, so it doesn't make any sense why I would be so stupid. I love being happy. I was very fortunate to have made it to college with scholarships and have a study abroad opportunity. I have been fortunate all my life actually. I'm not sure what went wrong. But there were a few big mistakes I made to get here and now I feel trapped like there is no way out.