I feel for you.
They'll live in their blind hells. Imagine them rotting in hell, and you working towards some kind of freedom from the what they put you in. What you're writing here is so important. You're processing memories and why you're feeling the way you do, which is different from the people who've hurt you who used you as an object/an inhuman thing without any feelings, maybe because they are suffering but deal with it in the way you've experienced.
You care about people getting away with murder, you might feel angry and hateful, and yes your feelings and thoughts are completely understandable, justified and important and not to be dismissed. I doubt you chose what happened to you. I doubt you had a choice.