two letters. no replies please.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meagainstme, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member


    To her,
    I wish you knew how i felt. These emotions are killing me. I have felt like utter crap for so many years, and you came along and saved me, and made me get help. But then you split up with me because you couldn't handle all this stuff I am going through. You don't understand how much these words hurt me. You were the only one who understood me, who was here for me. I know we are friends now, and it feels so good we can be close, but I know in my heart I still love you. To see you smiling makes life worth living, seeing you happy is all I want. When we hug, I wish I could hold on forever. When I see you, I have to hold myself back from kissing you, because thats what feels so right to do. I know we have something special, I know you can feel it too. I wish I could have been all that you wanted. I wish you could see your real friends. It hurts me so much to see her hurt you, and yet you cave in and let her continue to walk all over you. I know this is selfish, but I wish you could see how much good I do for you, how I would give my soul for you. She doesnt even deserve to know you!! I dont know if I can continue being around you. My smiles are geniune with you, but there is a hidden message behind them. I want you. Yet I know it wouldnt work again. I'm just stuck. I wish you were here. My heart aches knowing I was not good enough.

    Love you always.


    To myself,
    You are totally useless. You try to be nice but no one likes you and no one appreciates you, so why dont you just fuck off and die??? Seriously, what is keeping you going? You are fat, useless, lonely, ugly, have nothing to offer the world. JUST FUCK OFF. Cut yourself, just keep cutting yourself. Carve those words into you, you can try and cut out all the hate, but it will always remain, there is no point in trying to fight it. You know you can not handle this pain inside anymore. How sick you feel whenever you realise how you will never been wanted. Who would want you? Your body is fucked up with scars, you are paranoid, and are fucking psychotic!! Just go. what are you waiting for? You can press that blade abit further cant you? I know you can feel the time is approaching for you to leave. You try to grasp onto something to keep you here, but deep down you know it is fake. Just go.
    Everyone hates you.
    You hate yourself.
    Hate isnt what this world needs. so go. do everyone a favour.
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hey trapped, my heart goes out to u! I can relate to ur letter so much and i wish i had the answers for u, but at the moment im stuck in a similar position. What i can tell u is that there r people who care about u, ther r hundreds on this very site for starters. Dont let someone elses judgement of u effect u so much. I kno its easier said that done but ur confidence ultimatly needs to come from u, family and friends can help u along the way but in the end its up to u. Its the same with this problem ur having, dont rely on her to make it all go away just becasue shes done it in the past. Take control of ur own life, if she's moved on so should u, u never kno who might b waiting just around the corner. I kno it feels like she is the only one, that u can never love again becasue i feel the same way, but i always feel that if i dont try to mvoe on i will never kno what i might find. In life there r so many unknowns, dont b scared of them, face them and u will b surprised at the outcome!
    Ending ur life is never the best option. If u do that u will never kno who else u might meet, and u may also never kno if u later in life u can get bac wit ur ex.
    If u ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me...i think we r in similar situations. Remember that ur not alone, i kno how hard it is when ur world is taken from u!
    Good luck and take care!
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 26, 2007
  3. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    i apologise for replying...i just felt like we were in such similar situations that i wanted to help

  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    please dont apologise. i wont get angry at replies, i just said it as i didnt really have a question or anything. just ranting i guess. didnt want people to think they had to help

  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I didnt think i had to help, i was more than happy to and i wanted to! i dont want n e 1 go to through the same pain that i am and i hope that my words helped u in some way
    Hang in there!