two months ago today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fweeps, Jan 23, 2009.

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  1. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    Hi my name is Maria oka fweeps. I have been hesitant to post a thread but I think it's time. I was diagnoised with depression, BP, and PTSD years ago but managed to push it aside until about 3 years ago. It all fell apart. I was hospitialized in a psych unit for 17 days and put on meds for the first time. I've been suicidal for a long time but it's at the forefront of my life rightnow. I feel like im in a strange position. I met my best friend Jeannie in the hospital that first time (I've been hospitalized 19 times). Her and I became close very quickly and she helped me understand my diagnoises and was always there for me. She committed suicide two months ago today. We had taken classes on depression and anxiety ad such and both of us knew the signals and signs of suicide. I feel like I missed those signs. What I mean about being in a strange position is I know how it feels to be in so much pain that suicide seems like the only option (ive attempted it too many times to count) and I now know how horrible it feels to be a survivor of someone who kills themselves.

    I first went to a survior of suicide site to share and they kinda told me not to post there because I myself am sometimes suicidal. Thats why I didnt want to post a thread. I dont want to be told to go away:sad: I went to therapy yesterday and it took most the session convincing my therapist not to put me back in the hospital; she told me she could lose her license for not 5150ing me for being suicidal and I promised her I'd stay alive at least until I see her again next week. I will try to keep my promise.

    Well I guess this is the way i've finally introduced myself. Thanks to all who took the time to read it.

    maria aka fweeps.
     
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Welcome and you are indeed welcome here. I am a newbie and have thoughts like yours, hence I am here. But there are people here who really care. Here's a hug for you! :arms:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Maria...so glad you found us...I think you are doing remarkably well considering it has been such a short period since you lost your best friend..hope we can be support to you at this trying time...J
     
  4. Giant hugs from me, someone who is also glad to have found a site that embrases everyone who has such a complicated condition like ours...

    I know what you ment, is what Im trying to say...

    :hug:

    -J-
     
  5. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: welcome to SF
    you will not be regected
    you just can't share methods on
    how to kill yourself,
    this is, after all, a pro-life forum

    :hug: if you ever need to talk
    you can always private message me
     
  6. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    You're in the right place. Good that you're still here after going through that. Shows a lot of strength.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Maria,

    Welcome to the forums, I'm glad you posted. You definitely will never be told to go away here.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.Even though you felt like you should have seen the signs,it is in no way your fault.

    I'm always around if you need to talk :arms:
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Maria. I am sorry about the loss of your friend. Please don't feel as if you missed anything. With as well as she knew your feelings, I am sure she knew how to hide her thoughts from you. I hope you are able to find support here with us. I am sure you will find many people that can understand why you feel as you do. We won't turn you away for sharing with us. Take care and stay safe, :cuddle2:
     
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    There are not always signs. Nobody can read your mind or anyone elses. I too went to another support forum and was not welcome either. This is a pretty forum here.
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Maria,
    Welcome to the forum, You have found a home here if you want it. The ppl on this forum really care!! I'm sorry for your loss. It is always tuff to loose a friend the way you did. I know she would want you to keep moving forward. She will always be with you if you keep her in your heart. Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  11. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Your freand were lucky... she managed to do it!
    I want too, but i am just a fucken coward
     
  12. Alexpt2

    Alexpt2 Well-Known Member

    Lady says her best friend just commited suicide and that's your reply?.....she was lucky? WTF???
     
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