two reasons

[bluewail]

there are two reasons i am still alive.
1. i am terrified of another attempt that goes wrong. i'm worried i'll only seriously hurt myself instead of dying, and if there's anything worse than how i am now, it's how i would be if i was stuck in a hospital. i am also scared of pain. i wouldn't want to do anything that would not be instantly lethal. this leaves few viable options.
2. i am unwilling to upset my family. i know that my suicide would have a devastating affect on those i leave behind, and i am full of guilt because of this.

and that's it really.

 

[WildCherry]

What's causing you to want to die? Are you willing to talk about it here?

 

[Jeserai]

I have the same question as WildCherry.
And I want to put it in another way: can you find any reason to want to live?

 

[bluewail]

jeserai - there are two reasons i want to live, and i covered them already.
wildcherry - *that* is the question. there is nothing specific. i have no reason to be miserable. nothing bad has ever happened to me. i lead a relatively privileged life. but i do not want to play this game anymore. i am unhappy all the time and i really see no point in carrying on. and if it weren't for those two reasons, i wouldn't.

 

[Jeserai]

You gave two reasons you ARE alive, not reasons that makes you WANT to live. Maybe you can make yourselves goals. When you establish them, it may make you feel better.
Have you ever had meds?