Two times..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by .:Anubis:., Jan 19, 2007.

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  1. .:Anubis:.

    .:Anubis:. Member

    I believe I was about 3-5 when I was first sexually harassed by someone that was around 17. Of course, I didn't know what was going on, I was so little. He started to move his hands up my shorts while we were playing on the teeter-totter in the front lawn. We were relly good friends, but my dad was inside the house, watching from the window, and immiediatly called me into the house, then called the police. I talked to the officer, and my 'friend' I think was brought to jail.

    This case when I was around 9, I forgot how old the guy was. This one was almost rape too, clothes off and everything. The whole time that happened is vague, and I don't want to explain it all...

    It pains me so much to even write this.. All these emotions locked up inside... I have only told 4 people, my parents and family forgot, but not me.. No, not ever would I forget.

    Whenever I talk to my science teacher, I look down at the table. It's hard for me to look into men's eyes. I just want to run out of the classroom when our eyes meet. I have a terrible fear of men, it's starting to take over my life. I also don't like to eat in front of people (lunch), and I am not much of a breakfast person. My friend, she says she will tell Mr. Klimas that I am not eating lunch, which worries me even more. Then i'll be put through a lecture of why I should eat. I sometimes get depressed and think no one cares anymore, and cut myself.

    So many emotions.. So many problems.. Yet, It's hard for me to talk to anyone. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore... All help greatly appreciated!
     
  2. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    How sad that you've had to endure two cases like that, with one being more than enough as is. Your a lot braver and good person then you think, given how this sort of thing could have a lot worse of an effect.

    Do you think you have an eating or self-image problem, or is it solely due to having people around while you eat?

    There are plenty of people to talk to here, thousands actually =P We're here for you, you'll pull through. =)
     
  3. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    I know what it's like to have a mental wall. But remember, that's all it is, a mental wall. There really is no wall there.

    Next time you see your science teacher, I want you to talk to him, and I want you to look into his eyes. No matter how much you want to look away, I want you to do it. You can do it. Just remember, he's your teacher. He cares about you, he would not hurt you. Look into his eyes and think about what color they are, and how they look. Don't think about the fact that you are looking into his eyes.

    Next time you're at lunch, I want you to sit down with your lunch at a table, with or without people, and eat. I want you to think about how good the food is, or if it sucks (most school lunches do:tongue: ), think about how much it sucks. Remember, no one is keeping an eye on you. No one even notices that you are eating. Hell, they'll notice you more if you're not eating.

    If you can do these things, even to a small degree, even saying hi to your teacher in the hall, or eating something small at lunch, then these will be small steps that lead to your freedom. You'll be a much happier person if you can break through these barriers. I wish you the best.
     
  4. .:Anubis:.

    .:Anubis:. Member

    To Zurk: I'm not sure why I don't eat at lunch. Either it's because I don't like eating in front of others, not hungry, or I don't feel like it. Weird, I know.:huh:

    To Twilight: Thanks, I'll try.

    Thanks to both of you ^ ^I feel better already:biggrin:
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish I could tell you that I didn't understand what you have been through, but I can't. My abuse started when I was 6 and continued on until my 16th year. Then I met my ex. He picked up about where the other left off. I stayed with him for 22 years befor finely breaking free. I understand how hard it is to trust. The memories do not go away. I am not even truly sure they fade. I do know that there are ways to deal with these memories when they happen. I am so sorry you had to go through these things. That anyone has to. My thoughts are with you. :hug:
     
  6. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi there,

    I too am sorry to hear all that you have been through. It sounds incredibly painful and it's understandable that it's hard for you to talk about it openly.

    Do you have a school counsellor or anyone who you could talk to about this? It may help to verbalise what happened, and by talking to a professional it may help you to make sense of the memories and discover different coping mechanisms. While we can't wipe memories from our minds, we can learn to accept them and live healthy lives.

    I'm thinking of you and hope that you will take good care of yourself. We're here for you anytime you need to talk.. and thank you for trusting us with what you have been through. That was brave.. and i hope it helped to share it with us.

    :arms:
     
  7. .:Anubis:.

    .:Anubis:. Member

    I don't think I want to talk to a counselor, I don't know. I'll think about it.

    Yeah, it helped. I like it here, because I can talk about any problems I'm having, and talk about it without being flamed or embarassed.
     
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