Two types of people -- and please, someone reply to me with my questions.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stuck_in_limbo, Jul 15, 2007.

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  1. stuck_in_limbo

    stuck_in_limbo Active Member

    It's interesting how some people grow up into the vacuum of going to school, getting a job and having a family without hardly any regard to anything else going on around them. They are not necessarily "happy", but they're living the so-called "American dream", and so I suppose all that seems right with them, so they have very few complaints. However, because they feel they have "made it", they feel they have certain privileges and are above certain common courtesy guidelines.

    Then there are people who have a harder time growing up -- for whatever reason. Because they wander off that path that society expects us to follow, they tend to see things with a little more understanding, empathy and concern. They may have to suffer a bit more, and work harder to keep up, but tend to me more objective and creative.

    Why am I writing this? I don't know, I thought it sounded good, whether you believe it or not. I guess you can tell that I feel I belong to the second group. I don't want to make it sound like I'm better than those who seem to live the American dream by the book -- believe me, I have my share of faults and indignities. I think the person I am is okay, but just doesn't have a place in this society.

    I have had a lot of positive things happen since my last post here over 1 1/2 years ago, and still I don't seem to let myself be happy over them. I have learned to make my goals more realistic and be less harsh on myself, but still I don't see anything down the horizon. I'm trying, I really am -- maybe not as hard as one can, but I am putting in some effort. But here I am again, falling prey to this feeling that I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and I sit and do nothing and -- just feel bad. Sometimes when I get this way, I don't want to talk to anybody -- I feel though it may make me feel better, it really would be a false sense of hope -- a temporary lift from the depression that is always there and which may be who I really am.

    I know you may think I'm whining, and perhaps I shhould just go out and have a good time or watch my favorite video or DVD -- but it's not that easy. I don't know how to have fun. I have to take everything seriously or else I might hurt someone. Having fun I might say or do something stupid that will either embarrass or hurt someone (this is how I think -- as I write it, I understand it doesn't sound logical.)

    Does anyone else just feel that impending sense of doom, and that there's nothing they can do about it, no matter how much they try? Does anyone else feel suicidal -- not desperately, but just because it seems the only logical choice, though still a tough one? Am I making sense...?
  2. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that's about how I feel much of the time. Makes total sense.
  3. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Well, this is the way I feel most of the time. I often wonder why can't I be an ordinary person like everyone else too? Why do I have to suffer and have parents like this? The thought of how good and caring other parents are makes me deeply depressed, because I know thats what I yearn for and I know too well it is something I was born with the parents I have now and thats it, unchangeable.

    Sometimes it drives me to tears seeing a mother showing her affections for her children like hugging or kissing them because the only times my mum ever touch me is to hurt me physically. Mum never once tell me she loves me, all she did is tell me I am stupid and I must be her curse because I am idiotic. When you talk about a place in society, yea, I never have one anway. I feel like I am socially awkward and find it hard to mix with other people.

    I definitely feel this way and its not logical or anything but I guess its simply the way one feels and simple as that. Making sense? Definitely. Now I am not sure if what I said is rational or not, hope it is.
  4. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Yes, it makes very much sense. I don't understand how these casual people can go on the way they do... bleh.

    I feel the impending doom all the time, as well. I have no real interests, either... all I'm really interested in is sex, and I can't get it, since I'll never find my true love. This is unimaginably frustrating; I am obsessed with sex, yet I will probably never have it! It's so horrible and frustrating to know.
  5. ihope2die

    ihope2die Active Member

    hae-Gi, i agree. i am never going to have sex cause im a loser, and ugly and girls aren't interested in me. they want every other guy but me.
  6. -Deception-

    -Deception- Well-Known Member

    I guess I'm walking the "mainstream"-path right now. My carreer is going very well and on the outside everyone must think I'm a very good example of someone who is successful.

    However, the longer I go on living, the more obvious it becomes how pointless and utterly hopeless everything is. There is no purpose, no use in doing anything. What's the point of learning new languages, new skills, meeting new people etc. if you're going to die in 40 years anyway? 40 years is NOTHING. I need to be immortal or know that there is a God and a purpose if I am to go on living. Right now both these scenarios seem quite distant.

    A lot of people have placed their trusts in me, and I know that sooner or later I'll end up disappointing them. I'm sorry, but I just can't motivate myself to care about anything. Nothing matters. Nothing really IS. It's all hopeless and completely pointless.
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