Two years ago today I was in your shoes...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by still_here, Dec 21, 2010.

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  1. still_here

    still_here New Member

    ...and I was ready to kill myself. xxx would have worked. My will to die was strong and I was sure I could fight through the urge to breathe.

    Living hurt too much to continue. Every movement was labor. My only peace was when I was asleep, and even that was not guaranteed. The darkness was all around me, and it felt like the only way out was to end my life.

    I chatted with a suicide hotline a little bit. It seemed like proper due diligence. They really had nothing to say that was particularly groundbreaking.

    I don't know why I didn't do it, but I didn't. Maybe there was a will to live deep down. Maybe it was that I have people I love on this earth. Maybe I just didn't have the guts. The reason doesn't matter. What matters is that I've spend the last 18+ months being so thankful that I didn't because IT GETS BETTER.

    I believe, truly, that staring down the abyss makes us stronger here on Earth. Choose to stay, my friends. I know you're thinking that I don't know how bad your life is, but trust me, I know how you feel. I was there. Trust me, stay the course, put one foot in front of the other, get help where you can, and believe that the answer to your problems is in this life.

    Deep down a voice tells you that if you ride this out it probably will get better someday, and someday you won't feel like this, but you simply cannot imagine how that is true when you look around you and access the situation you're in. But I promise you, it will get better. Stick around and find out.

    I love you all, and I love my life. I made it through the darkness, and someday you will too. And when you do you will be so PROUD of yourself because you stared down a test that few people ever have to take, and those who do often fail.

    You can make it through this and to the other side. And someday, not so far away, you will be sitting in bed at 1:30am, reminded of those dark times, and feel compelled to reach out to others like I am to you today.

    Stay strong, brothers and sisters.

    -J
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2010
  2. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your encouraging words.

    Although I don't think we can truly understand another's specific pain--I think some people here have had it much worse than I ever have--it is true that depression can lift if you choose to keep going.

    Depressive thinking can often be illogical. Everything overwhelms us, even it's something so small. Things seem worse than they are. We can learn, though. We gain new insight and perspectives. Life may surprise you.
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    thanks for taking the time to post. i've also been through the darkness (three attempts and a diagnosis of bipolar) and out the other side. it does get better. it's just sometimes hard to see that from the bottom.
     
  4. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    hope it works out for everyone like it did for you. thinking optimistic. :)
     
  5. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    hey still_here,

    I'm going through a rough time, i had three attempts yet.
    I wish i could be so optimistic like you, i'm in deep pain, i can't handle anything in life anymore, my job, myself, stress.
    I'm a total mess.
    I'm looking down in the abyss and i never sank to the level i'm at right now.
    I'm overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts every day, and every day is such a struggle.
    I have to motivate myself to get out of bed every morning to go to work.
    Like you i hope that better days are ahead after this big depression.

    Thanks for the encouraging words still_here.
     
  6. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Hey thanks for your words it really helped me. I dont know why it was weird just the motivation i needed. Im kind of in the middle of being depressed and sinking even lower yet can be very happy if i take the right path. Right now im not sure which is the right path and am very confused but meh. I hope i take the right way and will be able to help others such as you are doing. :)
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi still here and thank you for your words of encouragement. I am glad to hear that you have overcome your depression and suicidal thoughts, proving that it does indeed get better. I also agree that times of suffering can also make us stronger, as long as we are capable of overcoming the suffering. Very inspirational message. :hug:
     
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