the only way tomorrow will not come is if i just do it. but i can't do that to you. as much as i want to just end everything, i need to know you are safe. -------------------------------------- did you know that i had the biggest crush on you since 5th grade? from 5th to 10th, even through all the other guys i had a place for you in my heart. and when john broke up with me and i was upset you were there for me. and then we decided to hang out. september 21, 2007 we started dating. it was a friday night and i met all your family from ohio. i couldn't tell you any of their names, but i was so happy that night. it seemed like from then until this past feb my depression disappeared. of course i had down days, which you never understood. we did everything those first few months, hayride, homecoming..you even gave me my christmas gift the day of homecoming so i could wear it to the dance. i still have the necklace.. we had our times when we were tense. but mostly the first year was amazing. may you gave me the promise ring. but i quickly got overwhelmed with being with you all the time. and then when justin commited suicide, the day after we were in english class watching the video of him dancing to a lion king song from previous in the year, you wondered why i was crying. why the fuck do you think i'm crying? and then until may i realized i don't want to be with you 24/7. i had to pretend i was sleeping so i could stay home and just relax. my grades suffered because you wanted to be with me and not let me study. you laughed when i read the book for english. and i hope you have a great year in history cause i'm not taking your notes like last year. fuck that. i loved how we fought on the fourth of july and didn't talk all night. but then you came over the next day bright and early to decorate my house for my birthday. i think you honestly thought nothing was wrong. my mirror still says "happy birthday boo" he did it with the car marker things and the outline wont leave i finally had to leave you. my depression was spiraling downhill and you didn't understand. you told me i wasted half of your summer by not doing anything cause all i did was sleep in those two or so weeks. but yet when bobby was suicidal he stayed over your house for two weeks and you didn't seem to care about that. you comforted him more then me. and now leaving him, all i can do is think about how much i miss you. my heart is telling me that i still love you but my mind is saying that it was good that i left you. by the way, your new girlfriend is ass ugly. and she is four years younger then you! a freshman, really? better yet, your little sisters best friend. it's the best you can get. i really don't want to see you in class tomorrow. maybe you will take the day off? i really hope so..