ty to those who ruined my life.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, May 27, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Can you ever really move on with life after abuse...or will it always be on ur mind? will you ever be able to love without fear that the love will once again be turned against you? is it possible to have se* without it hurting as much as it does, without flashbacks as often as they are, without feeling dirty, used, hurt after? Can you really ever feel some worth after years of being told you have no worth? Can you get over words of hate from your mum, your dad, your nan, your uncle, ur siblings, your friends family..can you ever feel safe in the world without wondering when you will be attacked again. On the 8th June it will be my 29th birthday...16 years to the day when the person who was abusing me, took it to another level, he raped me on my 13th birthday..sure he had se* with me before then but this time it felt different. Every year I'm reminded of that day, i'm reminded of he's hand around my neck, of the violence he used because I was no longer a child, but a teenager....I won't ever get away from that. it continue for another 2 years, and out of the years he abused me, from 13-15 it was the worse...the memories are the worse. my body is soooo tired of being used for sex.

    If you were abused, then raped on more then one occassion, sexually attacked..wouldn't you start to think it was your thought that you are to blame? yes I'm sure you would..just like I feel I am to blame for everything that happened.

    My mum said I was satans child, to me I will always be daddy's suicide girl...as he was the first person who hurt me, and left he's mark for others to see that I was now an abuse victim and an easy target...so "daddy" for you, one day soon, you can refer to me as your suicide girl, to mum you can call me daddy's suicide girl..and Jim you can call me your whore cause that's what it feels like.

    Thank you to all that ruined my life.....
     
  2. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Hey lost child..dealing with things like that is hard enough by itself..even harder if you where a child/ teen when it happened. Your a human being not a material object and you should be treated with human rights.
    Try not to let these bad things get you down if anything move forward in spite of these people.

    I hope you are in a better mood tomorrow.
     
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