so for months now i have been feeling sorta suicidal but i'm too much of a wimp to kill myself. and i know that suicide is such a horrible thing. i have been wishing that i get kidnapped/murdered/hit by a car because it wouldn't be 'suicide'. i know it sounds crazy and how if i really wanted to die i'd just do it myself. but its getting to the point where i am driving and speed up to 60mph for just a couple seconds at the hope of crashing. or when i'm at night driving and i drive a lot crazier and hope that maybe a drunk driver will hit me. help. i don't want to die, but college is getting closer and i am dreading and fearing it. i want to die before then. but i don't want to die at the same time.