My life once again hangs in the balance of a test... Math evidently is not my strong suit which is a problem. If i keep my current major I will need some calculus s and I am fucking up algebra... I am taking only 1 class and am still triggered daily... I vowed long ago to never fail again... school, sports, job hunting... I have fucked up more in 21 years then most people do in there entire lives. It has become clear to me that life is determined by genetics and direction more then anything else. I was not born smart, or athletic, or creative enough so I never will know success. If my hard work pays off I will find a way to go on... but for now I am typing my note up so I can disappear and end it all on Monday if my test comes back disappointing.