Ugh - Back again..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Unknown_Entity_xO, Feb 22, 2011.

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  1. I thought I was doing alright, was actually attending my weekly appointments, trying to open up more and whatnot and just over the last 2 weeks I feel like i've slowed to a stop.

    My feelings for some reason feel more intensified but then at the same time on some days I feel nothing and time just seems to just go by, 1 minutes its 10AM the next minute its like 2PM which is frustrating because I should be doing something with my life on my days off from work rather than laying around just thinking/researching/sleeping.

    Recently - well when I was feeling mega low and more suicidal I came across 2 actual proish websites and forums - I've posted a once/twice but I mostly read the forums, I wish i could tell my therapist about this as I do believe its affecting me.. but at the same time I don't know what he'd say, I remember my old therapist saying about if I wanted to kill myself, she can't do anything about it, who knows what my new therapist could say, the same thing perhaps?

    Worst thing about it is I really don't know how to tell him (my therapist) that I am just sucking at coping, I've improved in opening up but at the same time, I still find it really hard to be honest about progress, he'll ask me how my week was and i'll just automatically say fine when infact my week would of been terrible/i'd OD'd or something. I'm so fake.

    I just feel bleh.

    Meh. I dunno why I posted.. =/
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forums, would it help if you wrote down how you felt for your therapist? I found that easier than talking.
  3. RSKS

    RSKS Active Member

    Hi Unknown. The fact of the matter is that your therapist simply cannot help you unless you tell him what is going on. Sometimes that can be really hard, but I love Inmemoryofyou's idea of writing these things down. First off writing is cathartic in and of itself, and you'll likely feel better after putting pen to paper. But also, this can give your therapist an idea of what you are feeling in the moment rather than at the time of your appointment. You and your therapist are a team, and he doesn't want you to suffer. There are ways to improve, but I can tell you, nothing can be done when your therapist believes that everything is fine.
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about how you feel. Be aware if you are opening up and it's something you haven't done before things can get worse before they get better. In a way...ok this is going to sound weird...if it is making you feel worse then you know that the therapy is working as it is making you address what is going on. If you are feeling worse it's probably because you have never addressed these things before. So doing so now is a positive thing. Yeah?

    If someone said that to me I'd be like "fuck off" but in a weird way (and I should probably listen to my own advice here) can you see what I am getting at. I'm not very good at articulating things sometimes so sorry if you don't get what I mean.

  5. Hey thanks for replying - You know what, thats a really good idea, only problem would be getting the courage to give him the letter.. =/

    Wow, that makes a lot of sense, but I suck at telling/showing when I can't cope and thankyou for your input. ^^
    Hey :) - Aww nice to know people can relate. Thanks for the reply, nope I think I see what your saying, if I don't address these points some time then my progress will be even more staggered/prolonged which helps overall with progress...which is positive.... or have I interpretted that wrong? Lol.

    Naah I aint thinking that, I was grateful for the response to be completely honest, as I can't really talk like this openly at the current moment. So no and again thankyou.

    I like the idea about the letter, but what exactly am I writing in it? Stuff I can't verbalise? I fear I will just go off on a tangent and my therapist will be even more bored with me/will try and refer me on again and the amount of times i've been referred from person to person hasn't been fun. =/

    Also how to present it, knowing me i'll write it and just won't give it in?

    Thanks for the replies and support. Sorry for all the questions.. :grouphug:
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Yeah that's kinda what I meant. I can't really remember now. lol. xxxx
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you are reaching out again for support hugs to you. Your T will not be upset over anything you say or should not refer you anywhere else if they do then they are not a good therapist tostart with hugs
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