I want ths tme to go by fast. On September 5th, I made it clear to myself that I was ready, and I actually went through with my plans, though I was taken to the hospital when someone called in on me after I made the stupid decision to answer the phone. I was very dizzy and faint-ish, so I didn't check the caller id. Anyways, I am here, thinking about everything that has happened this year, and I really don't want to deal with the holiday season. I don't want to continue suffering from thinking about what could have been had things worked out, or at least had my past before this year had been different, meaning better, much better than this. That makes me wonder. What exactly is this? What am I doing? Was I kept alive to be hurt more? I think I was. I shouldn't have been kept alive. Please let the next few weeks pass by quickly.