Ugh i'm going crazy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lonelymortal, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    I talk to myself in public, I talk to animals and tell them i'm going to eat them if they don't stop barking me.
    Sometimes I feel like this world is just a computer generated program designed to torture me.
    Other times I feel like this world is a trap designed by a God to judge whether or not my character is pure enough to go to "Heaven" or should I suffer forever for my sins, even though I didn't choose to be born ??
    Other times I feel like this world is just an illusion and people are sitting somewhere else in the universe laughing at my failures while watching them on a DVD.
    Other times I feel like this world is already pre-determined(as is my destiny and my death).
    Other times I feel like i'm going to die soon and wake up re-incarnated as some pathetic animal on some random planet in some random galaxy in some random universe. Just the thought of a never-ending continuation of life through re-incarnation scares me horribly. It wouldn't be so bad if my english-speaking human form was accessible permanently but somehow I doubt it.
    Anyone else feel like they're completely trapped ? (in time, in the universe, in a human body)
    When humans look at me I have a weird expression on my face. Kind of like a depressed grin.
    I'm feeling more and more like this world was created for the sole purpose of watching it's inhabitants suffer. Entertainment is entertainment right and who are we to judge if God gets pleasure out of watching us murder, rape and destroy each other.
    No matter what lies ahead in the future I feel completely trapped and powerless under the circumstances of my existence.
    Paranoia is really really really starting to get to me. My personality and thoughts are becoming more distorted and surreal. I'm starting to feel like an illusion, like nothing that happens in my life is really happening to me and i'm watching through the perspective of another character. Since i'm just watching the show I feel like I have the right to blatantly insult other people - they're not real right ?
    This whole world is just an illusion right ?
    Ugh.