Ugh, more mistakes!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by draws, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. draws

    draws Well-Known Member

    So many mistakes. Little things, every day. Sure I can think of them as Another Fucking Learning Experience, but the stakes are higher than people want you to think.

    Example: I made several mistakes recently on job proposals. The results: 1) I'm not getting paid nearly enough for the time I'm putting in, 2) The client is upset because I look unprofessional or greedy because they've requested something that will cost more money. 3) When the client is unhappy, I lose their confidence. Then they don't talk about me with others, and they won't use me again. 4) I'm pretty skilled at making the client happy, but there's only so much I can do, but I spend time fixing things and placating the client. That MISTAKE I made just makes me spend even more time and now the OTHER client projects are suffering!

    My rant is that I refuse to except how hard life is. It shouldn't be this hard!!! That the slightest misstep or misspeak means I might lose a project, then there's not enough money and my card-house-of-almost-surviving falls apart the rest of the way. Things -- the economy, working -- should not be so unflinchingly impossible. Many of us are perfectionist... but goddammit, you HAVE to be, just to squeak by!!

    As individual people, we learn early to be gracious about mistakes. We all make mistakes. But as a society, as an economic system, there is NO graciousness. Oh, places want to look gracious, they'll have policies. But that's not how people act -- at all -- when they have their "business" hat on. Because EVERYONE is fighting to hang on to what they have. Geezus what a way to live. I do NOT Accept this!!
  2. draws

    draws Well-Known Member

    RANTING (don't feel like you have to read this, I got carried away.)

    A day full of mistakes.

    I left the dog out a few extra minutes, and he dug some bigass holes in the yard.

    The topcoat I bought for the incredibly beautiful painting I did on the table has pretty much ruined it. I'm crushed! I researched, I read all about what coating to use. I did everything I everyone said, and it still turned out bad. Why do they even sell products that dont work, that can ruin things? Now I have to figure out how to save it. Like I have time and energy for that.

    I had this awesome thing happen a few weeks ago where I finished a bunch of paintings, and got them in a gallery!! My daughter talked me into having a reception... I said I didn't need that rejection in my life, of inviting dozens of friends and having 1 show up. I wish I didn't listen to her, spending energy trying to see if anyone will stop by. Its so pathetic. People really seem to like me, except no one *ever* goes out of their way to see me. wtf is that about? Then that lonely blanket creeps up on me...

    Fight with hubby last night still stings. I've learned to really own my feelings, but holy shit I feel SO isolated. It's all up to me. All on my own. ugh I HATE that. Being an crazy demanding needy person, at least someone was forced to be connected to me.

    Then OMFG my neighbor is shooting his gun in the field behind my house. (I live in one of the fucking gun-friendly states in a fucking gun-friendly rural town). OMFG. I want to... what? Shoot him? Do something back to him that are as disturbing to him as what that is to me? I'd have to run him over with a car or something.

    Worked hard all day, just barely making a dent. It all feels hopeless. I'm givin' it all I got! Trying trying fuck. So tired of how EVERYTHING I'VE GOT IS NOT ENOUGH. That just seems so wrong. How the hell do other people do it? People go through their day and do stuff and seem fine. how do they do it??

    Sometimes I think I'm not depressed, I'm really just really really really really angry. Except the hopelessness. That's depressing. But I suppose it's also a feeling of lack of control that makes us angry.

    Mistakes outweighing accomplishments by like 4-to-1 some days. Many days? Most days? Enough to make it feel like it's always many more mistakes than accomplishments.
    Definitely, EVERY day, without exaggeration, I run out of energy before I run out of things that need to get done. I don't know how other people do it.

    I think I'll go accomplish making a cup of decaf coffee. Hang on til the distraction of hubby and dinner and TV shows.
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Draws,

    I don't accept this crap either. I'm one of the fortunate people to not have to deal with business anymore. "Fortunate", well, I use that word very liberally since the reason I don't work is due to disability. But I remember how horrid it was. I was in finance, the administrator of a trading firm. Woman in a man's world, not respected, having to work doubly hard for half the pay, trivialized, told I was "hysterical" when I'd calmly complain about something...everyone in business is two-faced, they live for the almighty dollar. Even as a client I've felt the sting. Four years ago, I spent $4500 at my dentist to get my teeth fixed. I went back two weeks ago for an assessment for a broken molar. $300. Suddenly they won't accept a credit card from me, cash only. Why? I was such a good client, but now I'm poor so they don't want my business so they impose difficult restrictions on me.

    As for neighbours and society in general, I'm done. I have no patience anymore and I really don't know how I used to manage it. Even when I did work, I never socialized with anyone, never lingered, stuck to the job and forgot all about them during my time alone. People have become too impatient, rushed and rude for my liking so I choose not to be around them.

    I'm sorry you had a fight with your hubby and that your effing neighbour is SHOOTING OFF HIS GUN....geezus.
  4. draws

    draws Well-Known Member

    Your work story is so familiar. especially the Hysterical! I'm lucky to be self employed... I know I have a lot less of that crap.

    It is crazy about being poor. My mom (who is pretty well off) has even noticed how while I get extra fees and restrictions and higher rates, she gets free credit card and cash back and bonus miles and low interest rates and special rates and sales and discounts and special offers and even free crap from the bank! (We're not "poor", we're somewhere under lower-middle class... a crazy no man's land of normally high expenses with low income. My heart goes out to you trying to get by with even less.) I grew up in a magic time of the 60s, where hard work equaled a decent lifestyle. That feeling that's what's "normal" is a huge reason of why I'm so pissed about all this. I don't want to accept this normal! GEEZ I am ranty today. lol. I'll expel it here and spare the hubby. with apologies to whomever stumbles in here. :)
    Frances M likes this.
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Lol...ranting is good! Therapeutic. I'd say I was "house poor" which means I can pay the bills, but gosh-forbid if there's yet another emergency expense. I'm trying so hard to save for a down payment for a small inexpensive little cabin in the woods in the next 3 years...I want to achieve home ownership before I hit 67 and my disability dries up. Hard work doesn't necessarily equal a decent lifestyle anymore sadly. I worked too hard and lost everything. But I've rebuilt and I make the best of what I have. Status quo normal is far from what I am and I will never be that way, not at all interested. But you have a hubby and kids so it's more expected of you to live this so-called "normal" existence from society's eyes! Is it too late to have your reception? Congratulations on your exhibit btw!!! I took up painting a few years back, downloaded all the Bob Ross' Joy of Painting series. I had a great time painting with oils, but they're so messy. I started with acrylics and then dabbled in watercolors when I couldn't afford canvas this summer was fun though! Not sure of gallery-worthy! :)