basically this is just me writing down my problems.. talking it out with myself.. boring..
I dont know why I'm even making this thread.. I feel suicidal feeling everyday so its nothing new.. some reason.. these past couple days have just been torturing me.. I really.. really just wanna throw in the towel.. I'm starting to plan a date I should go through with it.. soon.. by the end of the year.. that'd be good.. my reasons for suicide arn't even that valid compared to alot of people I feel horrible!!.. I have an ok life.. not the richest person.. not the brightest person.. not the prettyest person.. I just have an ok life.. other people have it much worse than me..
... I really should just die... the other day my best friend who I talk about suicide often to told me she told another of our friends about me being suicidal... this crushed me some reason.. I made her promise she would at least tell any of our friends after my parents found out.. and she tells our friend.. then I get really pissed at my friend.. and she just says.. I'm sorry you worry me so much I can't take it... I felt so bad.. what i've dropped on her.. I just expect her to listen to me about suicide.. I never realized it could affect someone who wasnt suicidal so much... so now I dont talk to her about it that much anymore.. now really I dont talk to any one about it.. except here.. my crappy psyciatrist.. and my teacher..
I really just dont like most people in general.. I find most ppl to be jerks:sad: thats not good.. I try and be nice to everyone.. not to many people try to return the favor.. I get picked on .. and I used to get picked on at school alot more.. hell I even got picked on by almost my whole family (including extended family) at a family reunion.. camping thing.. what the hell.. what kind of people would do that do a teenage girl?!.. anyway.. I'm sick of it ... if people find the need to pick on me so much i shouldnt even be here.. would that please them?.. ... I'm just so emotionally weak.. anything really gets to me.. I barely have any good friends.. the people I hang out with barely know my name... I used to be overweight... I still feel like that..
... blah.. and my moms trying to force religeon on me!!! what the hell?.. she's like.. ok you got a new shirt... a psyciatrist and now u need jesus.. and you'll stop being suicidal.. I'm like.. omg... no.. please no.. I"d like the pick my own religeon if any please?!!??! and she's like.. wha u dont believe in jesus?! .. its just like geeeeeeeesh leave me the hell alone.. try and find out the real problems.. then come back to me.. try and help
and even though right now I dont partically like my parents ... they're are like becomeing emotionally... distant.. to me... they're just not there anymore.. I try to smile and crap at them and they're just like blah..
anyway thats it for now...................... I shud really just die
I dont know why I'm even making this thread.. I feel suicidal feeling everyday so its nothing new.. some reason.. these past couple days have just been torturing me.. I really.. really just wanna throw in the towel.. I'm starting to plan a date I should go through with it.. soon.. by the end of the year.. that'd be good.. my reasons for suicide arn't even that valid compared to alot of people I feel horrible!!.. I have an ok life.. not the richest person.. not the brightest person.. not the prettyest person.. I just have an ok life.. other people have it much worse than me..
... I really should just die... the other day my best friend who I talk about suicide often to told me she told another of our friends about me being suicidal... this crushed me some reason.. I made her promise she would at least tell any of our friends after my parents found out.. and she tells our friend.. then I get really pissed at my friend.. and she just says.. I'm sorry you worry me so much I can't take it... I felt so bad.. what i've dropped on her.. I just expect her to listen to me about suicide.. I never realized it could affect someone who wasnt suicidal so much... so now I dont talk to her about it that much anymore.. now really I dont talk to any one about it.. except here.. my crappy psyciatrist.. and my teacher..
I really just dont like most people in general.. I find most ppl to be jerks:sad: thats not good.. I try and be nice to everyone.. not to many people try to return the favor.. I get picked on .. and I used to get picked on at school alot more.. hell I even got picked on by almost my whole family (including extended family) at a family reunion.. camping thing.. what the hell.. what kind of people would do that do a teenage girl?!.. anyway.. I'm sick of it ... if people find the need to pick on me so much i shouldnt even be here.. would that please them?.. ... I'm just so emotionally weak.. anything really gets to me.. I barely have any good friends.. the people I hang out with barely know my name... I used to be overweight... I still feel like that..
... blah.. and my moms trying to force religeon on me!!! what the hell?.. she's like.. ok you got a new shirt... a psyciatrist and now u need jesus.. and you'll stop being suicidal.. I'm like.. omg... no.. please no.. I"d like the pick my own religeon if any please?!!??! and she's like.. wha u dont believe in jesus?! .. its just like geeeeeeeesh leave me the hell alone.. try and find out the real problems.. then come back to me.. try and help
and even though right now I dont partically like my parents ... they're are like becomeing emotionally... distant.. to me... they're just not there anymore.. I try to smile and crap at them and they're just like blah..
anyway thats it for now...................... I shud really just die