Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pitiful, Jan 10, 2010.

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  1. Pitiful

    Pitiful Member

    I'm a complete pathetic coward.

    I'm almost 20 years old...been going to college for about a year.
    Parents are paying for the program and I've lost my motivation and interest in it.
    I also have severe anxiety and have had major depression through out college. The sickest part, I hate to admit is, I haven't really enjoyed this program from the start, nor going to college. I've been going downhill ever since watching my fucking grades fall down, having no friends...I feel disappointed in myself. I can't do anything fucking right. I don't wanna live this life. All I do is stay home all day. Well...I got the kick from college today, it's embarrassing, I don't know how to tell my parents. They expect more from me. I only have a few days to inform them.

    I can go deeper with the history of depression I've suffered... but I won't bother, and ultimately I'm not enjoying my life...suicide thoughts are taking over my head as each day passes.

    I know this is probably nothing compared to others though, I just don't know what to do with this...could anyone help please?
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hey, welcome to SF :hug: sorry to hear u have been kicked form ur college course, but if u were not enjoying it, and it was adding to ur depression you are prob better off without it at the momment, try explaning that to your parents maybe. keep posting, people are reading them, and want to help :hug:
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am here too and agree with what cownes has said..sound wisdom for sure. We are all here for you during this difficult time, you can face your parents but I know it is hard. I have feeling this may herald a new and brighter chapter in your life.
    Take care, Bambi
  4. Pitiful

    Pitiful Member

    thanks for being so feels nice that there is someone caring...but in real life, nobody really understands me or gives a shit...i'm like anti social, probably mostly because of my anxiety and paranoia about things...

    but i feel like im a complete fuck nobody has ever been as stupid as me, i don't even deserve sympathy...
  5. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    well, you will get symathy here, as most of us have been thorugh the same situations as you, are are still going through them, we all care here, and will support you in any which way we can, im sorry to leave u, but i have to go to bed very soon, see you around and take care :hug: keep reaching out, people are listening :)
  6. Pitiful

    Pitiful Member

    i guess the truth is....i been fucking up my life and i don't even know what i want, i dont know what to do with my life...everything seems depressing..and everyone else just seems happy ...studying...working, it's all depressing to me.
    whats the point of living when life is like that..
  7. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.

    I've been in the same dilemma.

    I think you may have some unresolved parental conflicts and don't know how to express your feelings to them.

    I don't think you're completely unmotivated. I think you want to assert more control over your life but feel helpless to do so.

    You're only 20.

    Relax, open up, don't let other's pressure you into moving at anything other than your own pace.
  8. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    you jsut havent found ur skill yet, everyone has a skill that we need, some people its maths other people its science, ur only 20, have plenty of time to decide what you want to do, try not to be so hard on urself, just because everyone else seems happy studying doesnt mean they are, and also studying isnt for everyone, we are all unique, that is part of the human nature :hug:
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