i want to contact the crisis phone number but i don't want them to get mad since i'm drunk. i have only been drunk a few times. but it makes me want to hurt myself a lot. i don't know why i put myself in such stupid situations. but then again, when i think about it, all it does is make me hate myself. obviously that's not helpful. gosh darnit. sometimes i feel so stupid... but i know that i'm not. ugh. what is wrong with me? ahhh.