So I feel like a huge mess right now. And also, it feels like I shouldn't be posting, since I left, then came back and haven't helped anyone. I'm so selfish. Life is going at a downwards spiral. It has been, for a while, I've just been fighting to accept this. Cutting doesn't help, starving doesn't help, nothing helps. It's just the same damn pain and problems and feelings over and over and over again. I can't kill myself yet since it's the holidays. But afterwards, I'm really just planning ahead.