Ugliness and suicide

[touglytobeloved]

I would ask everyone who is suicidal because of his look to post here and explain his situation with few words, and also to say if its male or female, and age. So, maybe you are really ugly, maybe you have BDD, i just want to know who you are, because you are pretty much like me.

(To the mods, if you think that this thread doesnt belong in this section, wait at least 1 week before moving, because i think that more people will reply if its here.)

I will start first in the next post.

 

[touglytobeloved]

Im male, 26 years old, very ugly, ugliness has affected my social life, was one of the best at school, but drop out in college, had a nice private business and also lots other oportunitis, but failed in all or missed them because i became uninterested in work (why to work and earn money when i have noone to spend it with). Also i have permanent imobile leg because of a surgery 8 years ago and open wound that will never heal. Because of all this, i have never been loved and never will be, i lost all my friends, so im totally alone 24/7. Lately thinking to tell my parent that i am going to kill myself because i cant cope with this life anymore. Feeling suicidal for a long time, but last 2 years i feel like its really time, just i dont have courage to do it, im afraid of failure, and there is no right to die organisations in my country, otherwise i will do it right now.
PS. dont say: you are not ugly, because you dont know how i look, and those who knows me, they havent said that i am or not, but has shown me that i am with their behavior, especially girls.
If you want to know more about me, i have lots older threads on SF, read if you have some time.

 

[cult logic]

As cliché as it sounds, looks aren't everything.

At least not for me, the person I have interest in isn't all that physically attractive.

 

[palmtrees]

Yeah, the thing about girls is that they respond more to how you act than to how you look. So if you think you look bad you probably act sort of ashamed or reticent or distant around girls and that's why they don't respond the way you'd like. While you can't change your looks to a certain degree, you can change your behavior. Practice smiling, being interested in people, asking questions about them. I guarantee that if you took someone very friendly and charming but with an average or below-average face/body, they'll get more positive responses from people than a good-looking guy who is distant and unhappy.

A couple years ago I used to think a lot like you do, thought I was too ugly for girls to like me. The more I've opened up and enjoyed myself and talked to people, the more positive responses I've gotten and now I'm completely comfortable around and appealing to the opposite sex. You have to be the active one in the dynamic, the leader. It takes practice, like body-building. It's personality-building. Work on your voice when you're alone, read out loud and play around with it, make yourself laugh. Sing along with your favorite songs. Give yourself a quota of starting a conversation with 3 people a day or smiling 10 times a day. Or whatever! There's really no limit to this kind of thing, it's all about what you want and how you want to do it.

I'm curious: how introverted or extraverted are you normally? And, what do you like to do, what activities make you happy?

 

[touglytobeloved]

Yeah, the thing about girls is that they respond more to how you act than to how you look. So if you think you look bad you probably act sort of ashamed or reticent or distant around girls and that's why they don't respond the way you'd like. While you can't change your looks to a certain degree, you can change your behavior. Practice smiling, being interested in people, asking questions about them. I guarantee that if you took someone very friendly and charming but with an average or below-average face/body, they'll get more positive responses from people than a good-looking guy who is distant and unhappy.

A couple years ago I used to think a lot like you do, thought I was too ugly for girls to like me. The more I've opened up and enjoyed myself and talked to people, the more positive responses I've gotten and now I'm completely comfortable around and appealing to the opposite sex. You have to be the active one in the dynamic, the leader. It takes practice, like body-building. It's personality-building. Work on your voice when you're alone, read out loud and play around with it, make yourself laugh. Sing along with your favorite songs. Give yourself a quota of starting a conversation with 3 people a day or smiling 10 times a day. Or whatever! There's really no limit to this kind of thing, it's all about what you want and how you want to do it.

I'm curious: how introverted or extraverted are you normally? And, what do you like to do, what activities make you happy?

I dont know what intro/extraverted means.
Im not talking about average or below average looks, im talking about real ugliness.
All I want to do , i cant do since my surgery.

 

[Jonathan]

I broke my leg, late 2005 and was told that I might walk with a limp and I might have to use crutches for years. This really did upset me, so I know how I would feel in your situation as I wanted to become an athlete and this stopped me as I couldn't do anything athletic anymore; (I broke my growth plate) however I managed to stay thin by not eating for long periods of time.

As for the "ugliness" part, well, I don't consider myself that ugly, but I guess I'm that ugly that I haven't had a relationship with a girl for over 10 years, I can talk to other people but secretly I'm self conscious of whether or not I'm liked by other people I've known for over 5 months; perhaps because of my looks? I don't know. As for my personality, it is not very appealing to say the least, I'm quite shy and not very talkative outside the internet... well I don't think I'm shy, I just don't want to communicate with others I guess. :huh:

Also what is it you want to do?

 

[MeAndYou]

I am def. fundementally ugly. I am more introverted than extroverted (science is finding different brain structures between the two) so i do like to be alone quite a bit. But...i like having friends, i want to have a girl friend but im just so fucking ugly. Its basically the one reason why i am so suicidal. Its snow balled into me loosing my job (called out so much because i started having severe anxiety about it) and just keeps getting worse. I started suffering from BDD fairly recently but regardless of that i am still fundamentally ugly.

There are a few threads i have made about it and everyone there was really helpful if you want to take a gander but believe me i know how it feels. Sub consciously and consciously everyone judges everyone on how they look. Its just human nature.

21 year old male

 

[Stranger1]

I'm butt ugly...It's like my neck goes to my nose.. I have no chin structure so I grew my beard out and have had it since the 70's... It helps to hide the fact that My chin isn't there.. Maybe try growing one and keep it trimmed nice, see if that doesn't help your self esteem...

 

[touglytobeloved]

Yeah, the thing about girls is that they respond more to how you act than to how you look. So if you think you look bad you probably act sort of ashamed or reticent or distant around girls and that's why they don't respond the way you'd like. While you can't change your looks to a certain degree, you can change your behavior. Practice smiling, being interested in people, asking questions about them. I guarantee that if you took someone very friendly and charming but with an average or below-average face/body, they'll get more positive responses from people than a good-looking guy who is distant and unhappy.

A couple years ago I used to think a lot like you do, thought I was too ugly for girls to like me. The more I've opened up and enjoyed myself and talked to people, the more positive responses I've gotten and now I'm completely comfortable around and appealing to the opposite sex. You have to be the active one in the dynamic, the leader. It takes practice, like body-building. It's personality-building. Work on your voice when you're alone, read out loud and play around with it, make yourself laugh. Sing along with your favorite songs. Give yourself a quota of starting a conversation with 3 people a day or smiling 10 times a day. Or whatever! There's really no limit to this kind of thing, it's all about what you want and how you want to do it.

I'm curious: how introverted or extraverted are you normally? And, what do you like to do, what activities make you happy?

I dont know what intro/extraverted means.
Im not talking about average or below average looks, im talking about real ugliness.
All I want to do , i cant do since my surgery.

I found out waht introvert or extrovert is in some other thread, so, to finish my reply to you:
Most of the time im alone, or with one friend, i have talked about her a lot last year. But this doesnt mean i want to be alone. Sometimes i want to be alone, sometimes with few people, but sometimes i want to be with a lot people around. But what i want and what i have is completely diferent thing.

 

[Three Hares]

Is it selfish the feel the opposite, to feel miserable when everyone claims that I'm beautiful? I just don't see it. I had to take all but one mirror out of my house so I'd stop obsessing over my flaws. I never know how to respond to compliments. Most of the time I thank them for their kindness and try not to cry.
I am internally ugly, but there seems to be some sort of glamour cast on me to make it appear otherwise. I wish I could flay away my skin and force everyone to see my pain for a change. Perhaps I have BDD, but I'm more likely just a pathetic hypocrite.

 

[SadDude87]

BDD here but it's getting a lot better to be honest.

 

[Brighid Moon]

BDD as well, though I am overweight. Everyone tells me I look good and am pretty, but I cant' believe them - even when I'm not overweight.

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Ditto Brighid Moon.

People have stopped telling me I look good because they know I will tell them to shut up almost to the point of anger/cursing because I feel like they are just doing it to make me feel better and it pisses me off.
I cannot take compliments, I know people are only trying to help but it's easier just to not say anything. I believe I am ugly and if that is all I can see, telling me I'm attractive just doesn't help.
Early stages of BDD but trying so hard to fight it.

 

[MeAndYou]

Three hares

You might suffer from some level of body dismorphic disorder. Get counseling before it snowballs.

toouglytobeloved

Introversion does not mean you have social anxieties or dislike being around people. Someone who is more introverted rather than extroverted... their brain reacts differently to social situations.

Basically from my study of it an introverted brain reacts more and is stimulated more by the same amount of social interaction, than an extroverted brain. Therefore they tire more easily or just plain become over stimulated (chemically within the brain) more easily with the same amount of social interaction and require more "alone time" to "recharge" so to say. This doesnt mean they dont like group activities, they just get their share of stimulation from it much quicker than others with a more extroverted brain.

That isnt to say introversion doesnt LEAD to social anxiety or feelings of loneliness or outcasting. Introversion and being alone generally is looked upon as sort of creepy for lack of a better word which may lead to feeling like an outcast which then may lead to social inhibitions or anxieties.

I remember in highschool i didnt hang out with too many people very often and tehy always wondered why i spent a lot of time alone. I didnt know what introversion was or extroversion so i couldnt explain to them that i was happy with the amount of social interaction i got even though it was far lesser than anyone else (plus they werent exactly subtle in voicing their distaste with it). This behavior was generally viewed as weird probably because most people (according to studies) are more extroverted.