Ugly & Alone

[randomguy9]

I've always known looks aren't great. Always hurt on occasion but...

Well... at my old as fuck age I finally felt I had made it to a point where dating was a possibility.

With the pandemic...dating apps are the only option.

& that's where things become clear... I'm just to damn ugly. People say looks don't matter... but data shows that the top 20% of men get 80% of female attention on those... there is a minimum standard for a guy to have a chance at even a damn chat... let alone a meet...

(Before people say anything I'm not no swiping on women based on appearance, with the exception of seeing religious symbols on there clothing because religion & I have a bad history... & this is something that I think needs to line up to work)

Sense then... I've noticed everything wrong... I'm somewhat overweight... higher than normal hairline, below most women's preferred height...

I'm trying to remind myself of non appearance related qualities... but it doesn't fucking mater if a man is to ugly to even be considered...

At my age... probably only way to fix this would be some black market steroids... I don't have years to get in shape & this fucking pandemic had things closed anyway where I can't make the needed effort...

Suddenly... its always on my mind...

 

[johnDoen]

I've always known looks aren't great. Always hurt on occasion but...

Well... at my old as fuck age I finally felt I had made it to a point where dating was a possibility.

With the pandemic...dating apps are the only option.

& that's where things become clear... I'm just to damn ugly. People say looks don't matter... but data shows that the top 20% of men get 80% of female attention on those... there is a minimum standard for a guy to have a chance at even a damn chat... let alone a meet...

(Before people say anything I'm not no swiping on women based on appearance, with the exception of seeing religious symbols on there clothing because religion & I have a bad history... & this is something that I think needs to line up to work)

Sense then... I've noticed everything wrong... I'm somewhat overweight... higher than normal hairline, below most women's preferred height...

I'm trying to remind myself of non appearance related qualities... but it doesn't fucking mater if a man is to ugly to even be considered...

At my age... probably only way to fix this would be some black market steroids... I don't have years to get in shape & this fucking pandemic had things closed anyway where I can't make the needed effort...

Suddenly... its always on my mind...

I don't know what to begin with but, well I'm male, I can relate to you, you are not alone and I don't think you are ugly, though I'm not into dating.

I think the successes in dating of those 20% men is actually about confidence, not entirely appearance. Hence, if appearance is not something you are confident with, there are still many other stuffs you can put into how you describe yourself in those dating apps, such as your passions in life, mostly hobbies, works and achievements.

Stay strong, king.

 

[lifetalkz]

I turned 58 on the 3rd, I definitely don't look on the outside the way that I feel on the inside.....in terms of wisdom though I'm light years ahead of where I was in my 20's and 30's. I know it sounds cliche' but I wouldn't want to hook up with someone who was only interested in my looks-those sorts of connections never last, they never go anywhere really so what's the point? It sounds to me like you're lonely and that really has nothing to do with looks. I hate to see you being so hard on yourself.....perhaps what you're really after is something deeper than surface...to be known and understood by someone you admire and desire. You're definitely in the right place to begin on SF. I certainly wish you the very best-LT

 

[randomguy9]

I think the successes in dating of those 20% men is actually about confidence, not entirely appearance. Hence, if appearance is not something you are confident with, there are still many other stuffs you can put into how you describe yourself in those dating apps, such as your passions in life, mostly hobbies, works and achievements..

Confidence can't be communicated in a few pictures. It's about genetic luck resulting in attraction.

I've tried in my profile to communicate my passions... but I'm sure women have no swipes without reading that a billion times

 

[johnDoen]

Confidence can't be communicated in a few pictures. It's about genetic luck resulting in attraction.

I've tried in my profile to communicate my passions... but I'm sure women have no swipes without reading that a billion times

This confidence is about how you see yourself. Are there anything you do or have done that you can be proud of? Focus on those things and learn how to be happy with yourself first before inviting another person into your life.

Appearance is only an aspect of life, where genetics play a role. For this, you cannot change (without exposing yourself to radiation or sort of) but there are still many other things you can do to improve your appearance, such as learning how to dress and posing.

 

[randomguy9]

This confidence is about how you see yourself. Are there anything you do or have done that you can be proud of? Focus on those things and learn how to be happy with yourself first before inviting another person into your life.

Appearance is only an aspect of life, where genetics play a role. For this, you cannot change (without exposing yourself to radiation or sort of) but there are still many other things you can do to improve your appearance, such as learning how to dress and posing.

I try to communicate what im proud of... but it can't be done in pictures...

& quite frankly no amount of clothing or posing can fix ugly...

 

[johnDoen]

I try to communicate what im proud of... but it can't be done in pictures...

& quite frankly no amount of clothing or posing can fix ugly...

Clothes are not meant to "fix" ugliness. They are meant to make you feel you are beautiful and handsome. Heck, I'll wear a pink dress and a pair of high heels if they make me feel good about myself but there are none of my size, though you don't have to do that. If clothes are not your thing, there are still hairstyles, beard styles, accessories (like watches and bracelets), tattoos, etc.

There is also this idea of turning your ugliness into a strength or a source of humor, like "I'm so ugly that your mama has to take the second place" - well, that's all I can think of.

If you want, you can check out Lizzie Velasquez on TED, just for a bit of distraction from what has been in your mind. She faced many problems because of ugliness.

 

[randomguy9]

Clothes are not meant to "fix" ugliness. They are meant to make you feel you are beautiful and handsome. Heck, I'll wear a pink dress and a pair of high heels if they make me feel good about myself but there are none of my size, though you don't have to do that. If clothes are not your thing, there are still hairstyles, beard styles, accessories (like watches and bracelets), tattoos, etc.

There is also this idea of turning your ugliness into a strength or a source of humor, like "I'm so ugly that your mama has to take the second place" - well, that's all I can think of.

If you want, you can check out Lizzie Velasquez on TED, just for a bit of distraction from what has been in your mind. She faced many problems because of ugliness.

I try to turn everything into humor...

I am not familiar with that TED speaker but... sounds like a woman. Women have a LOT more societal pressure to look physically attractive...


But far as finding dates... any woman can jump on a dating app & find options... guys... well... not so much if not hot...

I didn't used to care so much... but I didn't realize how bad it would impact me

 

[Freya]

Dating apps are pretty stacked against guys, honestly. I haven’t checked one out for years but with this swiping thing it sounds like you’re referencing tinder. Maybe tinder just isn’t for you. A few years ago kg then best friend was on every dating app out there and nada (he was very average looking and his personality was definitely a little on the quirky side) then joined Bumble and Last he spoke to me he was living with the first girl that spoke to him there (he ghosted me after that but I believe they are still together).

Looks do matter in life and it’s foolish to suggest otherwise. They particularly matter if they are pretty much the only thing someone has to ‘go on’. I don’t know what you look like. I know you used to be in shape. I also know getting back in shape is perfectly possible. I lost 100lb in a year. I didn’t exercise to do it. You say you are ‘somewhat’ overweight which doesn’t sound like you need to shift nearly that much.

I’m not going to suggest you’re an Adonis but objectively speaking I’m relatively sure you’re not worse than ‘average’ looking and if you consider this logically, you will agree that the very vast majority of average looking and even ‘less typically attractive’ people find love and have relationships.

Dating apps do suck for men and I’m sorry that your confidence is taking a beating. We’ve talked about confidence and attitude a lot over the years and nothing has changed there.

I don’t know why you think you don’t have time to get in shape (we both know you’re a fair bit younger than me and I’m refraining from giving you a verbal punch in the nose for the old as shit comment!) but you definitely have years to get in shape if that’s what it takes, but it doesn’t take years - it takes effort. No black market steroids or trying to find the easy route. Just a bit of hard work and determination.

I do empathise with your issue. As a below averagely attractive human I understand that looks affect a lot of things and a lot of attitudes but I also know that most people are not societies idea of gorgeous (and most dating photos that look that was are filtered and perfectly posed and not ‘real’). Try to take a breath and be a bit more objective.

Finally, it’s nice to see you around, even if for not great reasons on your side!

 

[randomguy9]

Dating apps are pretty stacked against guys, honestly. I haven’t checked one out for years but with this swiping thing it sounds like you’re referencing tinder. Maybe tinder just isn’t for you. A few years ago kg then best friend was on every dating app out there and nada (he was very average looking and his personality was definitely a little on the quirky side) then joined Bumble and Last he spoke to me he was living with the first girl that spoke to him there (he ghosted me after that but I believe they are still together).

Looks do matter in life and it’s foolish to suggest otherwise. They particularly matter if they are pretty much the only thing someone has to ‘go on’. I don’t know what you look like. I know you used to be in shape. I also know getting back in shape is perfectly possible. I lost 100lb in a year. I didn’t exercise to do it. You say you are ‘somewhat’ overweight which doesn’t sound like you need to shift nearly that much.

I’m not going to suggest you’re an Adonis but objectively speaking I’m relatively sure you’re not worse than ‘average’ looking and if you consider this logically, you will agree that the very vast majority of average looking and even ‘less typically attractive’ people find love and have relationships.

Dating apps do suck for men and I’m sorry that your confidence is taking a beating. We’ve talked about confidence and attitude a lot over the years and nothing has changed there.

I don’t know why you think you don’t have time to get in shape (we both know you’re a fair bit younger than me and I’m refraining from giving you a verbal punch in the nose for the old as shit comment!) but you definitely have years to get in shape if that’s what it takes, but it doesn’t take years - it takes effort. No black market steroids or trying to find the easy route. Just a bit of hard work and determination.

I do empathise with your issue. As a below averagely attractive human I understand that looks affect a lot of things and a lot of attitudes but I also know that most people are not societies idea of gorgeous (and most dating photos that look that was are filtered and perfectly posed and not ‘real’). Try to take a breath and be a bit more objective.

Finally, it’s nice to see you around, even if for not great reasons on your side!

I tried most dating apps... most have a swipe function... Including the ones that I thought might give me a chance to show I'm interested in her not just her pictures...

Bumble from what I read is basically tinder where women have an easier time avoiding dealing with ugly males.

I never had the body of an in shape person... I was skinnier & had decent cardio For the activites I was doing... but never looked good.

My confidence went up a bit over time... but its back in the toilet...

The objective measure I see is zero dates... only one consistent thing there...