Ugly inside and out confirmed.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Pip28, Dec 19, 2013.

  1. Pip28

    Pip28 Well-Known Member

    I went out with a few friends last night for drinks as it was my birthday, after a few beers one friend started telling me about all my flaws and quirks which make it hard for people to like me. The funny part was each sentence started with "I don't mean to upset you on your birthday but…….." or "I'm not being offensive but……."
    I think this was planned as well, not just a drunken ramble, as my other friends were just nodding in agreement with everything that was said.

    I'm normally quite thick skinned when it comes to criticism but this really hit home, mainly, I think, because everything that was said is everything I hate about myself including things like depressive episodes, appearance etc.

    Reflecting on all things that were said I just fail to see why I am like I am. I mean why do I try and destroy everything that’s good in my life. It's like I feel that I'm undeserving of good things or that they must be fake. I feel that I try my best to change and act differently but obviously it's not working. Maybe subconsciously I just want to push everyone away as I must admit I always feel happiest when I'm alone.

    So here I am, another year about to pass, and yet I'm still at square one, all the things I attempted to change and improve have failed. I have to give up trying, I just cannot keep fighting.
     
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    This is a classic example of "social" vs "depressed" perspectives.

    Social perspectives - have jokes or say things irrespectively of whether or not it hurts anyone - and they don't know of what it does to the person they aim it at.

    Depressed perspectives - how we react in terms of what we do inwardly (in most cases). Reflection does open up a fairly large can of proverbial worms, and can make us worse than we are before.

    Having said that - I'd be rather tempted not to be part of a friend group where they're freely (uninhibited with the addition of the alcohol) expressing things that may have been discussed in private before - and being like that on your birthday really doesn't help. I daresay I'm happier with people who understand me and accept me for me than with a group of people just to be "sociable" and have what social people call "a life".

    I'm sorry it's happened to you. :hug: and ok - how old were you? It's my birthday in 2 days time... and i'll be 92.. (I mean 29 - just number play - confuses people lol).

    There's always room to keep fighting though - it's whether we can help you re-discover it. Hence my username - I fight the tide of the thoughts/feelings I get.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I can understand this, yeah it sucks but best to get the truth out right? A question I would like to ask is, did you hear something new? We pretend to know ourselves very well... however sometimes we do not see things other people can see. Sometimes these things are what hold us back. I say time for a little revenge, make sure to take note of the things that were said. They kindly ask "how would you go about fixing that?". You might get a little help or you can say "Thanks so much for lowering my self-esteem even more".
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I think your friend is jealous of you. Just the way she phrased things and the way she said it, it's classic jealousy and "let me put you down by appearing to help" syndrome. Usually when people put you down it's to boost themselves. A true friend would not have done it the way it was done.

    And only focusing on your flaws is not right. You have good qualities and they should be highlighted as well. People like negativity and they like to tell others what to do as if they were holy and better than everybody. Don't let them put you down. Don't accept what they've said. Just the fact that you're willing to think about it, shows an intelligent nature and the willingness to become better, not many possess those rare qualities but you do. So don't accept to be put down by anybody.

    And on your birthday of all days...those are not friends at all.

    Happy late birthday btw :) believe in yourself. Know that everyone has flaws, no one likes their own flaws but they are balanced with your qualities and do what you think is best. You deserve to be respected and love.