Life is so terrible for me right now it is hard for myself to even comprehend the emotions I am going through. Life has treated me so terribly that I feel like everything that could go wrong in my life, from my body's creation in my mother's womb to my depressed and tired state at the present. My mother was a teacher in Bulgaria, a country in Europe not too far away from Turkey, she was kidnapped by my father and forced her to live with him, taking all her money and living off of her. This is very common in countries like Bulgaria where women are just simply stolen off the streets and made into a wife. The devasting thing is that my father slept with a prostitute and received a STD. Knowing he had an STD, he then slept with my mother while she was pregnant with me and he gave it to my mother and I. I luckily survived and my mother had me at the age of 19. Growing up as a kid I was a leader amongst my friends, but my father was not the role-model he should have been. He never worked a single day in his life and he would live off of my mothers paycheck to gamble or buy him self beer. He did not buy me or my mother anything and we were forced to ask my grandparents to give us some money to eat. My father would also constantly beat my mother and he even once stabbed her with a fork. My mother couldnt take it anymore so when I was 4 years old we fled to Canada. We came to Canada with nothing but $100 and the clothes on our backs not knowing any english or any relatives or friends that lived in Canada that could help us start a new life. Long-story short we made it through a hard life and my mother went to college and she has a really good job and she found a new husband that is everything she could have hoped for. But then I went to high school and the real irrepairable damage was caused. Being a kid I never really realized how I had some outstanding features that weren't normal and I failed to realize it until high school when other kids would poke fun at my face. I would mention the features but I am too ashmed to do it but I am probably one of the ugliest kids in my school, or even city. It's not only my face, my whole body is ugly, and again I wont go into detail because I am too ashamed. All of my friends talked behind my back and a lot of them don't even want to hang out with me, I dont know if it's because im ugly. Whenver I try to make a joke they take it seriously and dont find it funny. Whenever I am being serious they dont take me seriously.. so either way I am being treated as a worthless pile of junk. This is the main reason why I no longer believe in god. Strugglign the way I did as a kid, and then throuhgout my teenage life is too harsh for any one person to bear. I was accepted to one of the best engineering Universities in Canada and attended for 1 month but then dropped out, shocking my entire family. I dropped otu because I was ugly and I knew other people were thinking it. I found a job afterwards and quit because I am ugly, further dissapointing my faimly. However my family thinks that I dropped out and quit because it was too difficult for me, they don't know I am dramatically depressed about my appearance. I want to end it all and just commit suicide because even if I had surgery to fix my face it wouldn't matter. How will my family afford it, and how will my metnal state be repaired after everything that I have been through? I don't even know how to talk to girls, I don't even know how to make friends, I don't understand life. How will I commit suicide knowing my family will be devastated, I am trapped in this god aweful world and no one will understand it. I am too scared to do kill myself and I don't want to ever step outside of my front door, I hate my life.