ugly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by flowerpot, Jan 30, 2008.

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  1. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    i know if this happened to someone i know i'd just say "don't listen to them" etc. but i just feel like i can't even handle it. people have bagged my looks. well it's more my hair i guess, but in the past i've always recieved mean things about my body and just me overall i guess. everything is just all becomming too much because it feels like it's happening at once even though bad stuff always happens anyway. i've just started at a new school and i dread going because i don't know anyone there. please don't tell me i'll make friends blah blah because the truth is i'm probably not going to. i feel so sick, i think i have a fever, i don't know. all of my friends are sad because down here school is just starting again and they dread it and it's just like no one really cares about me. i'm expected to be there telling them it'll be okay and they don't even care to ask how my day was or how school went or anything and i give them so much of my effort. no one cares for me, and i can accept that now. i'm just nothing. a lonely peice of nothing. all i have is my family but we barely even get along anyway. they are the only thing stopping me now. just because i couldn't put the burden of having a daughter who commited suicide on them. i just want to do. i simply do. i don't enjoy life. i don't care about getting better and don't tell me it will blah blah because honestly it never has and it pretty much won't unless the world suddenly changes into perfectness. one of my other close friends is just talking about wanting to die as well and i know exactly how she feels and i want to help her but i've tried and tried and i don't know what's going on but i'm just so tired and i sent her a long sms i hope she gets but god i just really want to give in i don't want to wake up. i can't even stop crying just pointlessly. everything is so hard. i don't know hwy i bother trying to make myself fit in or make myself look half decent when people don't even notice me and if they do it's only to laugh and stare because i look rediculous. i really can't take all this. i just want to throw up my heart and die
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi flowerpot. When I was young, all the other kids hated me too and calle me ugly. I used to feel bad too. But I just made the best of a bad situation until high school started, because I knew I wouldn't be seeing those losers again. Now that you're starting a new school, you can use this as a chance at a fresh start. You're right though. Things aren't going to get better unless you make them better. Your life isn't over yet. You have to want to change things for the better.
     
  3. Raeien

    Raeien Member

    your not the only one. believe me.. I think of myself ugly as hell, i even wonder why i got friends. Depression has become a part of my personaliy. one by one my friends are fading, worse part is, i automaticly hold hands infront of my face, if you understand what i mean, like im rubbing my eye, when people are walking. Even if i try to take my hands down, i cant, because its like they are locked, its none of my control anymore
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Starting anything new is always a daunting process. I wont say you "will" make friends, but please stay positive, when I changed schools I thought the same, but I did make friends. Just stay open minded. What's wrong with your hair if you dont mind me asking? there are alot of things they can do with hair nowadays, theres always hope. and about people not asking how ur day was...I lived my whole like that, no one has ever cared for me, but you need to care for yourself. Dont give up on you.
     
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