i have had depression for six years, which started after i lost loads of friends after having lots of time off school, because i was unwell. since then i have trouble making friends. the suicide problem started after i had a bad (ex) bf who cheated on me and physically abused me over the course of a year. i used to have loads of phobias and anxiety attacks which have improved but right now my problem is that i feel so ugly. i feel repulsed when i see my reflection. i feel sick from seeing pretty models of billboards. i hate my bone structure,my figure (which is thin and short), my eyes, my eyebrows, my nose, mouth, everything. I imagine bashing my face in and destroying it all together. i feel like killing myself because im too ugly and too stupid to me acceptable in society. i have self harmed in the past but not in a hardcore way. most of the time i bash my face or head against the wall when i have rages. today i lost it with my boyfriend and spat in his face because i couldnt keep up with him cycling and i know he thinks im unfit and i was behind him then a girl past me smiling and he was smiling too because she had told him something. it sounds like im suspicious but im not i just feel so ugly i want to die. i wish for death to come but im so scared of it. i feel i have nobody. p.s i have tried therapy and anti depressants and they didnt help me. p.s.s dont hate me cause i spat in my bf face.