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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jen bird, Mar 8, 2012.

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  1. jen bird

    jen bird New Member

    i have had depression for six years, which started after i lost loads of friends after having lots of time off school, because i was unwell.
    since then i have trouble making friends. the suicide problem started after i had a bad (ex) bf who cheated on me and physically abused me over the course of a year.
    i used to have loads of phobias and anxiety attacks which have improved but right now my problem is that i feel so ugly. i feel repulsed when i see my reflection. i feel sick from seeing pretty models of billboards. i hate my bone structure,my figure (which is thin and short), my eyes, my eyebrows, my nose, mouth, everything. I imagine bashing my face in and destroying it all together. i feel like killing myself because im too ugly and too stupid to me acceptable in society. i have self harmed in the past but not in a hardcore way. most of the time i bash my face or head against the wall when i have rages. today i lost it with my boyfriend and spat in his face because i couldnt keep up with him cycling and i know he thinks im unfit and i was behind him then a girl past me smiling and he was smiling too because she had told him something. it sounds like im suspicious but im not i just feel so ugly i want to die.
    i wish for death to come but im so scared of it.
    i feel i have nobody.
    p.s i have tried therapy and anti depressants and they didnt help me.
    p.s.s dont hate me cause i spat in my bf face.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Jen, Don't put yourself down for your size.. I'm 6'2" and I prefer short women..I bet your more attractive than you give yourself credit for.. As far as your boyfriend goes you need to kick him to the curb..He's not worth the pain he puts you thru.. There are plenty of shy guys out there.. Sit back and just watch someone your interested in and see what his personality is..If he's quiet and stands alone he's shy.. Go up to him and start a conversation and see how things go..Just don't give up Mr. Right is out there..Your current boyfriend isn't him..Take Care...
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