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uh.. Bleh

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by asparrow, Aug 30, 2013.

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  1. asparrow

    asparrow New Member

    First, I am seeing a professional, am on medication, and after 7 years I'm pretty sure it's not a phase.

    I'm not sure if I want to go through with killing myself, but I am so tired of living. I am emotionally worn out. My heart could only take so much, and after multiple beatings is left broken and empty. I worry I'll never be able to love again because I'll never be able to trust. I lost my virginity to rape and, since then, have not dated someone that wants to stay with me. Or even likes me. It makes me feel like a disgrace. I have nothing to give someone. My heart is gone and so is my purity.

    Right now the main thing keeping me alive is my niece and nephew. My sister's only a few steps away from getting them taken, and they would fall to my parents and that means they would fall to me. I love them to dearly and everything I do is for them. But it's all robotic. I am numb. When I do feel, it's worry for the kids and anxiety for their future.

    Sometimes I cry because of the sheer emptiness I feel. But I wouldn't say I'm sad. I just lie down, bed, floor, wherever, and sob. I don't even bother to clean it up until it's over.

    I hope someone feels the same kind of loneliness/ brokenness I do... I'm tired of feeling alone.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are so low hun so numb now i am glad you are able to cry to sob to let out the pain it helps some Your niece and nephew will bring you a connection and you won't feel so alone anymore hun
    I know you say you are on meds but maybe it is time to call your doc and get the meds changed up a bit as they seem to be not working so well hugs to you Welcome to SF hun here you won't be so alone either we hear you we care h ugs
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