First, I am seeing a professional, am on medication, and after 7 years I'm pretty sure it's not a phase. I'm not sure if I want to go through with killing myself, but I am so tired of living. I am emotionally worn out. My heart could only take so much, and after multiple beatings is left broken and empty. I worry I'll never be able to love again because I'll never be able to trust. I lost my virginity to rape and, since then, have not dated someone that wants to stay with me. Or even likes me. It makes me feel like a disgrace. I have nothing to give someone. My heart is gone and so is my purity. Right now the main thing keeping me alive is my niece and nephew. My sister's only a few steps away from getting them taken, and they would fall to my parents and that means they would fall to me. I love them to dearly and everything I do is for them. But it's all robotic. I am numb. When I do feel, it's worry for the kids and anxiety for their future. Sometimes I cry because of the sheer emptiness I feel. But I wouldn't say I'm sad. I just lie down, bed, floor, wherever, and sob. I don't even bother to clean it up until it's over. I hope someone feels the same kind of loneliness/ brokenness I do... I'm tired of feeling alone.