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uh... hi

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tired of playing solo in the hate-my-life band.

great forum. got the reminder of what love built as my avatar. got a font going. ready to post.


Staff Alumni
:welcome: to the forum!

I love your avatar.. and yes it's a great symbol of love and what people are willing and able to do/build in the name of love. Have you visited the Taj Mahal? I went there a couple of years ago and found it so tranquil.. i often think of my time there when i'm feeling stressed :)

Anyway, welcome to the forum.. i hope you like it here. And i look forward to seeing you around

Jenny x
great. people here are so nice. i feel less uncomfortable.

my quick story:

i'm 38. dude gender. i live near the st. lawrence river, in canada. been fighting off depression since my teens. accumulated events. similar events continued in my twenties and thirties, which has brought me to a point now of emotional exhaustion. i am at one of my breaking points, but i know i can manage it fine now. when i was younger, i was more foolish. twice i planned my suicide and planted myself at the line of life and the afterlife. at 16 i was about to jump off a roof of an armouries. the fear of the expected upcoming physical pain made me back off after a few minutes, and get off the ledge i was sitting on. at 25 i drove to a secluded spot near the ocean in long beach, got in the back seat, put an acquired gun to my mouth. i was sobbing like crazy even though i'm always mr calm, to others. including to my new sweet girlfriend i had just gotten a couple weeks prior. i felt so sorry for myself, and felt so angry for what others have done to me. and i felt so sad, because i didn't want to die... i just wanted to be happy. i guess numb or something, i ended up driving home. as i matured, i lost any desire to end my life although i am constantly fighting off depression. i am rather frazzled at how i even got that close 2 previous times. at 38 now, i find great comfort in reaching out to others who also face these lines or who are continually fighting off emotional lonliness or isolation. i just don't want someone else to put themselves so close to the brink. i'm not an advice person, persay. i'm more of a listener type. i'm hoping to spend some time here, when time permits, and be a pal to anybody who needs one.
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