Uh Oh

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lady Byron, Jun 26, 2008.

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  1. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    You know, I've hate to say it, but I'm back. Last night was really bad for me and so I had to give in to a little razor that was screaming my name. OMG, about two years thrown away. I'm not going to say, "Oh I'm so disappointed in myself." because I'm not. It felt good and things have just been getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do, I have no one to talk to without feeling like a complete ass. Oh well, I cut and I was finally happy. . . for a little while.
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    You can always talk to me. I know the pain of cutting.. How it's such a reliease when you've got stress or problems or something..

    But in the long run, you have to think, does it actually solve the problem??

    :hug: take care hon.
  3. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I know it doesn't solve the problem. But I just can't find it in myself to care anymore. I just. . . I feel so lost and right now I just hate my family, I hate everything, but mostly, I want to destroy everything about myself and I don't know why.
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I understand the struggle you're having. I used to have the same thing. Then I had people helping me.. and I'm on day 31 of no cutting... It's not easy.. but of course, you have to be willing..

    Lots of times, my body wants to do something, that I don't understand, like you don't get why you want to destroy everything about you. It happens... you just have to search for the answer.

  5. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that you've gone back in to it (So to speak)

    I would do the whole "don't feel bad about, just use to realize how far you've come" that CAMHS told me when I caved in... don't get me wrong, it's very true, but as you don't feel bad I guess it won't help so much.

    All I can do is to remind you of what you already know... a lived lived with self harm is shit. No being able to wear what you want is shit. Not being able to go anywhere without taking something with you is shit. Sitting on the floor trying to tie a bandage with only one hand is shit. While alot of the time, it can feel like self harm is great, and is a solution to everything... I'm sure that you must also remember atleast some of the shit stuff. Why let yourself go back there.

    To have been clean for 2 years is amazing, and you must have fought like hell to do that. Don't stop now, just because it was good this time, dosen't mean it'll stay that way. It won't take long to get addicted, and it's all downhill from there. I'm sure you don't want to end up back where you were two years go.

    I hope you are ok now, If you ever need someone to talk to just pm me : )
  6. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Well, yesterday was better. Today, I woke up early and have been trying to keep myself busy all day. I've haven't been as obsessive over everything today and it's helped a lot. I was still kind of pissed yesterday and so nothing anyone said was going to make me feel better and I feel really stupid for saying what I did. I don't hate myself all the time, it's just when I focus on the negative. Today, it's all about the positive :biggrin:. I don't really want to destroy everything about myself because at times, there's nothing in me that's really me it's what everyone else wants me to be. So I guess I kind of had a big epiphany last night and I'm feeling happy today :laugh:.
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's good that your feeling positive and in a better way today. Hope it continues.
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